123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

This Post Brought to You by the Letters C-R-A-Z-Y and the Numbers 5-6-7

Hey! Guess what? This is not a post about moving! How novel!

Nope. This is a post about a boy. Let's call him 567Devin. See, there's a theme at work here. Go with it, people. This is how I know that we might have a shot at romance, because if his name were Rob or Trevor, then I couldn't add a number in front of it.

Maybe Trevor, but it would have to be exaggerated like, "2-3-4-Trev-oar." Despite what you may think, I am not a big fan of exaggerating. Embellishing, yes. Cheese and crackers I like a lot, too. But, exaggeration, not so much.

So, this 567Devin character, I've known for a while. I met him through my friend James, whom will forever (at least for the duration of this post) be known as Jams. Because that's what we call him. But, you dear reader, would see that and think I just didn't know how to tipe oar spel vary gude. And we can't have that.

Jams is intentional, but I can tell you that my feelings for 567Devin were not. It happened over time, which from what I understand, is how it should work. I've always gone the route of hopping into bed with someone and hoping for the best. Sometimes the best is that they leave. Quickly.

But, usually, the best (take notes here, boyfriends, m'kay?) involves a phone call within a three day window, assurance that I am beautiful and an offer for a shared meal. That's it. Not so hard, is it Adam, Matt, Mike, Nick and Ryan? Bastards.

So, now that you all have verifiable proof that my virtue is in question, let's go back to talking about the boy who has many virtues: 567Devin.

He is handsome and funny and superiorly intelligent and he wears a beard with more sophistication than should be allowed. Seriously. He made me rethink my entire stance on facial hair.

But, because I am often foolhardy and impatient, I let my feelings grow and grow and grow until I was about to burst. Instead of relaying calmly, "Um, 567Devin, I think you're really groovy," I just got drunk and ambushed him while he was sleeping in the after hours of a party at his house.

Granted, he didn't seem to mind so much at the time, but the next day, he was a bit surprised to find the Artist Formerly Known as 567Devin's Platonically Good Pal 123Valerie in bed with him. Without any clothes on.

He's sorting things out in his head and deciding whether or not he can handle a fiery *redheaded* Aries like me. I don't blame him—I have a hard time handling myself most days.

The real issue here, folks, is that he's a Taurus. They take their time with EVERYTHING. They take their time with taking their time. But, because I truly have been working on my patience quotient lately, I am willing to wait. Highly unusual for me. Someone feel my forehead. Do I have a fever?

While I wait, however, there is another letter/number combination that can keep me company.

Colt 45.

(Ha! I'm just kidding! Although, I'd like to make it clear that while I in NO WAY condone drinking Colt 45—please stick to Milwaukee's Best, okay my pretties?—I do like Billy Dee Williams very, very much.)

*Thank you, Loreal Mega Reds Permanent Hair Color*

Tell me about your secret (or not so secret) crush in the Comments section. I want to know all of the juicy details.


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