123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Word Up: Eeeeeeeeeh-Mail Style

Day Two of "567Devin Betta Watch His Ass" Watch, and I still haven't received any word from him about the dire mistake he made by not inviting me to the party or how he plans to make that slight up to me with a nice dinner and a mustache ride.

While there's been no word from 567Devin, I have received an inordinate amount of words from other people via e-mail today. I wanted to share them with you to prove that you don't have to take things out of context for them to be weird or funny, but it helps.

Here goes:

From JennyJenny8675309:

"Wiggle it. Just a little bit."
Replying to my concern that I couldn't get the key to turn the deadbolt. She didn't realize she was channeling early 1990s techno/dance group 2 In A Room.


From The People Who Send Out Messages About Broken Bathrooms at Work:

"Update: The bathrooms will be out of order until tomorrow morning."
Oh crap. Well, I guess not really.


From Our Very Nice HR Lady at Work:

"15 Minute Warning: Ice cream."
The friendly reminder that EVERY Thursday my office buys us all ice cream from the Good Humor ice cream man. Isn't that nice? Makes the "no bathroom" thing a little easier to tolerate.


From Roommate Jeremy:

"Yo, your porn bill came in from the cable company. You owe me $64.95."
It's true. I like naked people.


From Louie, One of the Very Rich Financial Guys I Work For:

"I only have $3.5 billion in assets, not $4.5 billion."
Responding to my question about his company's assets for an update to his profile. Oh, is that all? Loser.


From My Darling Sister Maryann:

"Sam just had a blue poop."
Explaining that my nephew Sam had, in fact, a blue poop. We think because of a popsicle. Either that or antifreeze. We'll know in a little bit.

While we're speaking of blue poop, some of you have asked for a photo of me:


Hi. I'm 123Valerie. How do you do?

In the Comments section, tell me about something blue that you saw today and I will give the writer of the best story a popsicle. Or some antifreeze. Your choice.

Special shout out to Bonnie "Bonita Bon-Bon Miss B. Bonqueatha" Stipe for popping in. Miss B, send me some digital photos of your art kiddo, and we'll decorate the ol' blog with 'em.

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