Happy Holidays

Is anyone else concerned that Velveeta doesn't hang out in the dairy cooler with the other cheese? My Giant keeps the Velveeta boxes in aisle 3 next to the taco shells. I don't feel good about that.

Interestingly, the Velveeta individually-wrapped singles ARE refrigerated. I don't understand the logic. Don't get me wrong. I'm not an idiot--I know that Velveeta isn't really "cheese" in the true sense of the word, but neither is the Soya Delicious veggie "cheese," and it chills out with the cheddar.

I guess I'm just putting more focus on what goes into my body after a debaucherous evening at Sean P.K.'s during which I ingested a lot of bad things. A LOT. I brought a lethal combination of wicked Jell-O shots and a Velveeta /salsa/black bean/cilantro dip in the little crockpot my Dad sent me on a whim last year.

Actually, my Dad sent crockpots to my sisters, as well, along with a cookbook titled 5001 Things to Do With Your Crockpot. I got the baby "single lady" crockpot. My sister Maryann got the 4-person feeder for her family, and Susie got the mama-jama small-army version for her brood. It was a very nice gesture on my Dad's part and underscores why he should not have lost his job. Stupid bastards.

In any case, a good time was had by all at Sean P.K.'s Labor Day Holiday BBQ. We had a 4 a.m. singalong to Paul Simon's Graceland and, at one point, I found myself swimming in a bed of ivy.

Yeah. I'm not sure about that either.

That reminds me of another great party where there was a group singalong. Dickies & Nog 2004.

Note stinking drunk Matt in the hood feeling up 123Valerie. Note Dennis in the orange hunting cap. Dennis is currently defending our freedom in Iraq. Our freedom to wear stupid orange hats. Note that Tyrone, our Black Friend, wore his dickie ALL NIGHT LONG and well into the morning, long after the rest of us threw ours to the wind.

My brother-in-law John created the annual Dickies & Nog event to commemorate everybody's favorite half turtleneck fashion accessory and eggnog. And karaoke.

This is John, his black dickie and the mustache he grew special for the party. John's Dad wore this VERY SAME OUTFIT in 1968. Adding to the family vibe, my Mom made the Santa Hat and glued the sequined candy cane applique on, too. John wears this outfit every year for Dickies & Nog. My sister Maryann hates this picture.

Anyway, let's just say that, with their performance of "Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes," Sean P.K. and his friends Ben and Jimmy secured an invite to Dickies & Nog 2006.

Tell me your favorite Paul Simon song in the Comments section. This isn't really a contest because it's a very subjective thing, but anyone who comments gets a dickie. Here's one vote for "Mother and Child Reunion."