123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Did Not. Did Too. Did Not.


About a year ago, I met a boy from the Internet and we went on a date. Just a simple dinner. It was nice. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give him a strong 7. We had an innocent good-night kiss and plans were made to see each other again. And then he stood me up twice in a row, so I shrugged my shoulders and chalked it up to asshattery.

Well, he sent me an e-mail yesterday to the effect of "I'm sorry. I got really busy and then I lost my phone with all of my numbers and then I didn't hear from you and then I was attacked by killer bees ..."

It felt a little like that scene in Dude, Where's My Car? with the Chinese lady: "And then ... and then ... and THEN!"

He finished the note with: "I thought you were really attractive and I'd love to hang out again. I had such a good time building that campfire with you."

… ?


Now, I'm a gal who LOVES campfires. I would have remembered a date like that. Obviously, dude was hopped up on goofballs and had me confused with someone else he impolitely stood up.

So, I told him so.

"I'm afraid you've got me mixed up with someone else. I don't recall a campfire. What I do remember is that you stood me up twice, and didn't return my last call, so I'm sure you'll understand why I'm not interested in seeing you again. On the up side, maybe you can reconnect with the other girl."

OK, finite. Have a nice life, bozo.

But, oh no -- not this peach. "I'm not confused. I remember you. And I remember having sex."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? That's a bold statement, muchacho.

So, I wrote back: "Well, there are two possibilities here: One, you have DEFINITELY got the wrong girl because we didn't have sex. Or, two, we had sex and I thought it was so awful that I literally have blocked it out of my memory. Take your pick."

Funny, I haven't heard back from him.

In the Comments section, tell me about your experience with mistaken identity.

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  • At 10:23 AM , Blogger CamiKaos said...

    I've only ever been mistaken for someone else once. It was a punky goth boy on the bus mall downtown who swore up and down that I was his long lost friend Angel.

    Angel is not the right name for me ;)

  • At 12:49 PM , Blogger WendyB said...

    Wow, what a story! My main identity issue is that there's another Wendy Brandes in NYC. I'm sure it bums her out to Google herself and find pictures of me brandishing a riding crop.

  • At 12:45 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    People used to ask me if I had a sister in Dayton. Like, all the time. One girl thought I was her friend's cousin (from Dayton) and that I was being really rude because we'd met several times and I was acting as if I didn't know her.

    Given that my dad lives in Dayton, I wondered *for years* if he and my stepmom had a daughter and didn't tell me.

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