123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

It's a Matter of Taste

My nephew Sam has a super power.

We found out that three-year-old Sam the Sham, the kind of sweet potato that likes to lick life up, was appropriately enough diagnosed with enlarged taste buds.

It's not a serious medical condition, and the doctors believe the swelling stems from a simple allergy that will pass with age. But, whenever Alabama Sam-a comes in contact with certain triggers, his tongue swells and he can taste things on a level that you or I can't even imagine. Granted, his tongue isn't going to save the world, but Sammy Whammy might just be a chef's secret weapon: "I said it needs a little more salt. Trust me."

My sister Maryann became suspicious when Samburger cried while eating a Nerds Rope.
The gooey sweetness was so overwhelming that he was caught between pain and pleasure. But, he's a trooper, our Samsonite, so he insisted on finishing then my sister promptly took him to the dentist.

"Enlarged taste buds. Yep, that's what he's got," said the Dentist Man.

My Dad relayed the story to me, but as is his endearing custom, he confused it a bit.

"Did you hear? Sam's got enraged taste buds. Poor thing," empathized my Dad.

While our Fantastic Sam is learning about the many flavors of life, 123Valerie can't taste much of anything. My own bout with allergies has rendered my snotty and groggy and grumpy and clogged.

"Yeah," said my Dad, "I never know from year to year if the pollen is going to affect me. My sinuses are so erotic."

That's my family—Green Eggs and Sam has a super-human tongue and my Dad's got sexy nostrils.

In the Comments section, tell me the weirdest medical problem you know of. The winner gets a Nerds Rope.


  • At 6:01 PM , Blogger Brokekid said...

    I swear this is real...my grandmother told me she went to a proctologist and had to fart in front of him so he could smell the ripeness and tell her what was wrong with her intestines. Odd.

  • At 8:49 PM , Anonymous allison said...

    my dad does that too. calling cubicals, cuticals and whatnot...oh fathers. poor sam i am


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