123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Friday, January 12, 2007

On the Road

Hi Gang.

I'm traveling to the Great State of Kentucky this weekend (Ashland, Hy Biscuits. Let me know if you're in the hood).

We're all gathering at my Nan's to celebrate my Dad's 60th birthday, and quite simply, I'm really happy to be seeing my all of my family. This means two things, tho: I won't be around much this weekend, and I need to put together my road trip kit, which includes Barbecue Corn Nuts, Air Supply's Greatest Hits and a tape recorder because I seem to come up with all of my songs on the road.

I have an archive of about 18,000 hours that sound just like this:

Actual excerpt, my pretties. Oof.

Behold the genius. Can you handle it?

After the Family Fun time, I'm zipping up to Ohio to hang with some of my favorite peeps including Bonita, Kirstin, Janee (with an accent on the final e) and Very Gay Mark. We're going to celebrate the great Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday by sharing the laughter and love, sha na na na.

I'm certain there will be all sorts of tales and photos of my boobs, but you'll have to wait. Until then, here's part of the correspondence I sent to Door because I am impatient and have no concept of "just wait and see." Apparently, he thinks I'm funny and very nice.

Me: You know what's classy? Showing up for work in yesterday's clothes with chopsticks in your hair. Thanks for making out with me last night. We should do that again soon.

Door: hahahahaahahahahaaaaaaaaa. Very nice.

Me: How’d the weigh-in go? [with his recruiter guy]

Door: It went well. I'm losing weight, so I'm on track. [notice he said well instead of the oft misused good. Beautiful!]

Me: Well, I think you look perfect, so I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not in charge of the military. In fact, if I were, I wouldn't even want you to wear the uniform--just run around naked all day.

Door: hahahahaahahahahahahah. Very nice.

I left it at that--there is a very thin line between cute and playful and slutty and kind of weird. I tend to actually stand ON the line most of the time, but over the years, I've found that my particular brand of sexually-charged, quirky flirting actually works for some people. Let's hope Door is one of them.

In the Comments section, tell me what you like to bring along on road trips and also if you want to come over and eat some of my Nan's Black Forest cake--it's my Dad's favorite.

P.S. I lurve you, but the template is still being screwy, so many of you who deserve descriptions based your thoughtful, well-thought out comments (Aw fuck it. Who am I kidding? Any comments at all) haven't gone up yet. I'll to tangle with it again this weekend, okay?

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