123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

On Your Face

There was a cute little girl at the gym tonight waiting for her Mommy to get out of an aerobics class.

She asked one of the trainers, Spud, I think they call him, "Did you have to get stuck with needles to get those tattoos?"

"Needles? Aw, no, nothing scary like that. There's a tattoo fairy. She comes in your window at night and gives you tattoos when you're sleeping. But you better be good, or else you'll get one on your face," Spud said.

The look of horror on this poor girl's, as yet un-tatted, face was almost beautiful in its purity.

Still it was no match for my reaction when, at the start of my workout, I realized why some people call a "locker room" a "changing room." I'm renaming it, once and for all, the "You're Not Quite Ready to Be Parading Around Here All Naked Just Yet. Go Do a Few More Jumping Jacks and Then We'll Talk" Room.

In the Comments section, tell me about your tattoo, or EVEN BETTER, e-mail me a picture, and I'll post it to the blog. The winner of the best body art gets a visit from the tat fairy--just remember to be good. Unless you're Mike Tyson, then it doesn't much matter, does it?

He must have been very, very bad.


Ya'll, the sign of a true friend, my lovely Kirstin heard a blogger's call for photos of tats and came through:
This is her lovely DMB firedancer complete with lyrics. Don't be shy, my pretties. We're all friends here.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Speaking of scary, Scotty, sent in this frightening photo (not a self portrait, ya'll ... At least I don't think.) Blogger hates Scotty almost as much as Word Press hates me, so I have taken the liberty of leaving a comment for him.

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  • At 3:06 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I love the tattoo fairy. She got my a$$ one night.

  • At 3:16 AM , Blogger Nosjunkie said...

    Mmm no tattoos yet, shit scared of needles

  • At 9:14 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    Sorry, babe. Completely tat free. I've got plenty of scars, though.

  • At 10:13 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    No tats, unlessn I spend some serious time in prison.

    I reserve the right to re-invent myself.

    PLUS, I like look down my nose at arresting police officers who deign to ask me such a question. NO, I don't have any tattoes!


  • At 12:18 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    Mist, I know a sailor who has a tatoo of YOU on his ass. It's lovely.

    Nos, I'm shit scared of regretting a decision to get anything permenantly etched on my body.

    Scars are the new tats, K.

    Let's hope you remain tat free, Matty. I don't think you'd do well as anyone's bitch.

  • At 12:20 PM , Anonymous Hey Pretty said...

    Just some closed up piercing holes, although I do sometimes contemplate getting a swatch of William Morris inked somewhere on me which I know sounds incredibly odd...

  • At 12:26 PM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    I have 5 which on would you like to know about. I have a dasiy on my ankle, something that has no name onmy calf some sort of design on my upper back, the infamous butterfly(which will hopefull get me the job at my interview at Christie's 2morrow) and my newest one. It takes up half my back, itis the DMB firedancer with lyrics in the shape of a butterfly around it. I don't believe you have seen it yet.

  • At 12:42 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Hey Pretty, of the Agency or the Society? I'll determine if it's weird when I get your answer.

    Kirstin, my dear, you are a work of art. Thank you for sharing!

    Okay, I really, really, really, have to get back to work now. Bye!

  • At 12:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    That DMB firedancer tattoo is AWESOME! I have a superman symbol on my right ankle that I won as a prize on a trip to Florida when I was seventeen. When my family makes the yearly trip to Florida, we drive down I-95. Whoever spots the giant Pedro of South of the Border wins something. By chance that year I spotted my father's sports car, an Opel GT. So I won a big prize!

    I will someday have puzzle pieces filled in with different parts of my life. I just haven't made it that far yet. ~ G

  • At 2:22 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    I love Kirsten's tat. It must be really confusing to lovers who are like, "What does that even MEAN?"

  • At 3:00 PM , Blogger James Burnett said...

    I can't send my tat pictures. They're in naughty places. Actually I do have one I could send, but it's dorky. It's a black panther on my shoulder. Got it when I was 17. I thought it made me look macho. My mom said she thought it meant I was turning militant and was gonna start wearing all black and grow a 'fro.

    Not the look I was going for.

    Happy New Year, my friend. I haven't forgotten you on my blog roll. I promise I'll get to that tonight.

  • At 3:18 PM , Anonymous Broke Kid said...

    123Valerie, You are the awesomest ever.

    I lurve your hair. Your feet do not smell like dead babies.

    Love, Scotty

  • At 3:21 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Glynnie, I don't know what the giant Pedro of South of the Border is, but I know I like it. Good for you.

    Um, Matty, I'm not quite sure what you mean, but it is a pretty righteous piece, no? You should see the butterfly between her bosoms. I lurve it. But not in that way.

    Hello James Burnett, don't you fret, kid. I wish I could grow a fro.

  • At 5:16 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    I am sure I have a pic of the infamous butterfly somewhere. And as far as lovers that see it, if they can see it hopefully they are too busy to really worry about what the lyrics say let alone mean. Which by the way are how I was feeling when I knew my marriage was over for sure.
    "From the dark we can see the glow of something bright" What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me!"n

  • At 5:44 PM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    of the 19th century craftsman...

  • At 6:53 PM , Blogger Jason said...

    No pics of my tat although it's not that impressive anyway. In retrospect, I probably could have come up with a slightly more original location than my bicep.

    But at least I got something that will never grow tiresome or out of style.

  • At 7:09 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    K, honey, I'd love a picture of your boobs--er--your butterfly.

    Hey Hey Pretty (Hey, hey Paula), the jury gives you a thumbs up on the WM tat. Work it out, girlfriend.

    Jas, did you get a Bee Gees tat? That's so cool!

  • At 8:20 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    Tat free BUT if I did I would have the word "HIS" on my left ass cheek (that's the one that always gets spanked!!) lol


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