123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I Hate Blogger (Or I Will Now Pimp Out My Blog Space)

So, if Blogger sent me a MySpace friend request right now, I would reject it. Re to the ject it, my pretties. Then I would kick Blogger in the shins and make fun of its hair.

Ya'll may notice that I had to remove all of the fun descriptions of your blogs because it was either that or start kicking people off the list; Blogger decided there just isn't enough room on the infinite Internets for me to tell people how wonderful you all without wonkying up my sidebar format. It was FUBAR, kids.

But, this is where the fun begins. I have room for some descriptions--I think about 10 if I gauged it correctly. Oh, we'll go with 10, why the hell not. These 10 spots will revolve every week based on the number of comments you leave. The more comments you leave, the longer your description stays up or the better your chances for getting it up become.

Now, that said, I want you to know I will be employing no scientic methods and really "the number" of comments isn't a static concept. Maybe you leave 72 comments a week, but if they're dull or you smell like mushrooms, then I reserve the right to not count half of them. Maybe even three-quarters. Or, if say, you send me naked pictures of yourself, but you don't leave any comments, that counts for, like, 637 notes, so you can secure yourself a description.

Everyone is starting afresh and new comment-leavers/people I lurve who stumble onto the magic that is 123Valerie go into the mix, too.

So, maybe you're saying, "123V, I don't care about your stupid descriptions of me or my blog, and I will not comprimise my integrity just to get a little added linky love and possibly increase traffic to my blog."

To that, I say: Get the hell off of my blog. Comprimising integrity is what I'm all about, and if you don't want to ride down with us, then there are plenty of kids who'd like your spot in the handbasket.

It's true that absolute power corrupts absolutely, but an Absolute martini never hurt anyone.

In the Comments section, leave a comment. No time like the present, kids.

Labels: , ,

24 Comments:

  • At 5:27 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    Say no more. Photos in the mail.

     
  • At 5:29 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    and how you figure mine (which starts with an A) goes at the bottom I dunno.

     
  • At 6:49 PM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    I've always loved your blog the best.

     
  • At 8:00 PM , Blogger Attention Whore said...

    You know you love me...you know you want me...you KNOW I will pimp myself out for ANYTHING...
    What I want to know is how I get on the FRIENDS list...can I offer tickets to see me in my moaning debut? Will THAT do it?

     
  • At 8:23 PM , Blogger Tom Bailey said...

    I understand your frustration with blogger. But it is entertaining watching you rant.

    The absolute martini line is one I have never heard before.

     
  • At 8:40 PM , Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

    okay, now the idea that I have to leave sparklingly witty comments to match every one of your hilarious anecdotes is daunting. What if I'm not cool enough to leave a comment that gets counted? This is too much for me...

     
  • At 8:58 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    I feel like a loser down there in the little itsy bitsy font of Flat Coke and Flies. Big L on forehead here.

    The one who wanted to show you how a southern girl really does things. The one who wanted to eat anything you offered on a plate, or otherwise. The one who came after hearing your sexy voice on my blog. Yeah...that's me in the little bitty font at the bottom.

    WORD UP!!! (get it..word...up!! lol)

     
  • At 9:37 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    the thing is i don't have any good rear shots. those are so hard to take by yourself.

     
  • At 10:57 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I couldn't comment today. I had to drink instead. I am a wreck. I will probably sue Blogger for damages.

     
  • At 12:00 AM , Anonymous 123Valerie said...

    My pretties, Blogger is being a pooh head right now, and I can't make any changes to the template, but ya'll HAVE to know that you've got an automatic spot. You'd have to kill my dog to get off the list, word?

     
  • At 9:38 AM , Blogger uhavegot2bkidn said...

    123Valerie...
    Your new blog title should be:
    For a pale white girl, I.AM.SO.GHETTO.

    Peace-out, Dog

     
  • At 10:14 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    I think I need an anal bleach.

     
  • At 10:44 AM , Anonymous 123V said...

    uhavegot2bkidn, I couldn't have said it better myself. See, kids, those are the kind of comments that will get you descriptions. I never said you had to be nice.

    I wasn't gonna say anything, Mattress, but ...

     
  • At 12:52 PM , Anonymous Allison said...

    i heart 123 valerie

     
  • At 1:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Kill whitey.

    And, I beg to differ, an absolute martini has, in fact, hurt someone.

    How 'bout I just smoke some cigarettes instead?

    -Grampa

     
  • At 2:44 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    I double heart Al Bal. "You don't
    relize how much you use a w till it's fucked up." Indeed.


    Very true, Gramps. I forgot about the whole liver cirrhosis/destroying your life/sending you down a long, black tunnel of despair and desperation part of it.

    My Mom always used to say that she had to have at least one vice or else people would think she was boring. Then she died from emphysema, but you know, potato potahto.

    I'll make sure your oxygen tank is full if you promise to pick up my meds and lock up the bourbon when the time comes.

     
  • At 2:59 PM , Blogger Tom Bailey said...

    "I'll make sure your oxygen tank is full if you promise to pick up my meds and lock up the bourbon when the time comes."

    There is a unique way of dealing with addictions. I am picturing a trend like: "you hide my coke mirror and razor and I'll hide your heroin needles and arm rubber". You might be able to have it recomended in medical settings and pick up a fee for using the idea?

    It is great you can have such a view after mentioning something traggic in your post.

     
  • At 5:44 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I still love you, even if you never put up a description of my blog (or me) again. I'll even comment.

     
  • At 9:58 PM , Blogger Starboard Tack said...

    I would never compromise my integrity -- and comment on your blog simply to be included in a blogroll...

    I guess that means I better go get the camera and undress.

     
  • At 2:08 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 8:55 AM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    I am so freaking excited!!! I am counting the minutes til Sunday!!!!!! Late notice, please, like I wouldn't change my plans(if i had any,which I don't) for you!!!!! I might have to bring Nikolas, but maybe not. I will see what I can do. I will try to call you later!!!!!

     
  • At 3:29 PM , Anonymous Tinz said...

    Awww...I was looking for naked pictures. Bummer.

     
  • At 3:48 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Oh, yeah, Tommy. There are a lot of flippant dead mom references. It's kind of my schtick.

    i hope so, K. I hope so.

    Schweet, ST. Be sure to use props--I want to believe it!

    Kirstin, Mark is making sloppy joes! Woo ha!

    me, too, Tinzy Mama. Me, too.

     
  • At 12:45 PM , Blogger brinki dink said...

    Why don't you just link to people's blogs via the descriptions section of your sidebar? Instead of describing in one section and linking in another, you can combine. I can show you the light of the html code to do such if you want. Hope you're having fun on the road!

     

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