I Am Kind Of a Heartless Bitch

Can I be just a little bit of a heartless bitch? I think so. I know I'm not fully a heartless bitch because I like puppies and kittens. Well, I'll let you decide how much of a heartless bitch I am.

So, there's an ex-boyfriend. (Isn't there always an ex-boyfriend? Geez, 123V.) His name is Kevin. He loves me. He said so all of the time, and I would say, "Quit it" and swat him as though he were a fly.

Then, so he would finally shut up, I said it back. Quick, like I was pulling off a Band-Aid: "Iloveyoutoo."

It made him happy.

Then we broke up because he wanted to be my father more than my boyfriend, and I already have a great Dad that I don't mind saying, "I love you" to. I moved down to Disco Central and he moved to Tejas, and I thought (hoped) that was that. Not so.

A few months ago, he started calling again--late at night, usually really drunk, which has always been an irresistable factor for me. We'd talk and then before I knew it, I was professing love again. I even agreed to come visit him in Dallas. Then I promptly started ignoring his calls.

So, it was with some relief that I recieved an e-mail, complete with multiple typos from him (e-mail, kids. Good God). I've provided you with some of the better excerpts (I need you to know that I broke up with a guy for his use of "irregardless," okay? Grammar and punctuation and all of that stuff--it's important to me):

Hey baby, I just wanted to say that this might be the last time I talk to you. I need you to know that I have always found you to be the only girl in my dreams. I just have a small issue with never talking to you, or not ever knowing your feelings.

Baby, you know I love you with all that I am. I have gave it my all, I have fought for you, but Baby I think that I do not need to be in your life any more. You know that I always wanted your's forever and well, I guess...

Baby I love you. I never found you nothing but the most amazing person, which I could never have. Really, all said, I do not want to spend my life with no one else.
You are really my end all be all.

But baby you have to much going on. Your life is your life. I just want you to know that one person finds you to be all that is amazing in life. Really walk away knowing that one guy , still two years later, is still a fool in love wth you. Baby you are the greatest thing to walk the Earth.

Have a great life! Kevy K out

I can't make this up, my pretties. "Kevy K out?" Oh, my. I sent back a poignant, thoughtful e-mail (shaking my head the whole damn time) about who knows what the future will bring, blah blah blah, always in my heart, hooey, hooey, hooey, etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum.

I bring this up because I'm really concerned that Karma is going to kick my ass for lying because I recently saw Door opening into my life again--he's the friend of Sean P.K.'s that I've been macking on for months. Ya'll, I like him. I really like him. Please say a prayer that everything works out as it should.

We are going to get drunk together for a Wednesday happy hour, and no activity bonds a future couple like tequila slammers, ya heard?

In the Comments section, tell me who you are crushing on nowadays?