Do You Know Where My Pen Is?

When I was younger, someone told me that you could estimate the size of a man's penis by making an "L" shape with his hand, and the distance between the thumb and forefinger would tell you how long the dong was.

I didn't understand the handiness, if you will, of this predictive tool until the early part of my second decade, but it's never failed me.

Big feet lie. Big ears lie. Heck, even big hands lie. But the distance between the thumb and forefinger—true dat.

Following that theory, if I were a dude, my penis would be five-and-three-quarter inches. Very respectable for a chick, thank you very much.

Funny, though—a six-inch-clit isn't so well received.

In the Comments section, tell me how big your hand penis is.

Editor's Note: I don't really have a six-inch clit, sadly. It was something Megan Jane said once when we were teenagers that has always stuck in my head. She probably doesn't even remember it, but it's something I carry with me (we were in Autumn's living room, Schmegs, and you were doing our usual cartoon voice screaming "She had a six-inch-clit!" I can admit here that is was several years after that I finally figured out what a "clit" was. "Ooooooohhhh. I get it ...")

That memory is like the words to that crazy round we always used to sing in sixth grade.

Witchita and the wheat fields of Kansas. Kansas City K is next to Kansas City Mo. Chicago. Crossroads of America. Tallahassee, Tuscaloosa, San Franciso, Guadalupe.