123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hey, Wait a Second ...

Blondie isn't a BBW. And her name is Jenny, as in Jenny's Diet Blog, aka an advertisement for weight loss products.

Apparently, if the story is to be believed, she lost 25 pounds, thus magically removing her from BBW category. So, my argument, I guess, is moot, though ya'll brought up some good points about her "beefy" arms.

Why am I feeling slightly betrayed by Jenny's pandering to both the sides? And why do I keep encountering her everywhere I travel on the Innertubes? Strange.

In the Comments section, tell me why Jenny keeps popping up in my life. Thanks.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I'm a Big Girl Now?

Allow me to drag out ye olde soapbox and I will try not to break it as I climb atop. Harumpff.

So, as someone who is safely within the Surgeon General's height/weight guidelines though admittedly tipped a bit toward the higher end (mostly because of my boobs), I have oft struggled with the idea that if I just lost 10 pounds, life will be perfect and beautiful and filled with puppies.

Now, logically, I know that 10 extra pounds isn't going to keep me from finding fortune and fame, nor will it keep "the one" from falling madly for me -- and if it does, then that person isn't "the one" but rather "the No. 1 dripweed."

I just made up that word, dripweed. Making up words is what got me in the state, actually. I was updating my MySpace status. Yes, I still use MySpace. And I still update my status. I never said I was cool.

Anyhoo, at the time I was feeling kind of blechy, merrrgh and a little bit flurby.

And then I wondered if "flurby" was actually a word. And, yea, the Urban Dictionary reported that it is; it means overweight, chubby, etc.

Fine and good—considering I had beef jerky and tater tots for breakfast, that felt appropriate. What got my attention and my goat, though, was this accompanying ad on the Urban Dictionary site:

Big girls need love, too, no doubt, but I would hardly classify this woman as a Big Beautiful Woman.

I would put her build more toward the average mark. Or did I miss something? Is everyone above a size 6 a BBW now? Should I just pack it in and align myself with Chubby Chasers because I've got curves?

Again, harumpff.

Has anyone seen Last Chance Harvey yet? It's a new rom-com with Dustin Hoffman and the lovely Emma Thompson. But, oh, what an uproar the world let loose when they saw Emma Thompson's size in the film (which, by the way, was enjoyable in a dopey kind of way. Your mom would probably love it):

Whoa! Watch out! She's huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.

Whatever, world. You're dumb.

Welp, I may have an extra 10 pounds, but ain't nobody ever kicked me out of bed for eating crackers.

In the Comments section, tell me if you think Blondie above is a BBW. Please, consider that if you give me any reason to amp up my neurosis about this, I'm going to have to cut out tater tots once and for all. And I lub the tots. A lot.

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Thursday, January 08, 2009

Teachable Moments

I know, I know. I've been gone awhile. Let's see, where to start?

I have simultaneously developed a sweet tooth and dropped 10 pounds.

Oh, and this weekend, I'm taking a knitting class right before I'm having dinner with a bunch of nuns. I'm also eagerly awaiting a sprout from some avocado seeds in punch cups, but I still haven't gotten a new camera, so you'll have to settle for a crappy cell-phone picture.

Grow on with your bad selves.

Yeah, it's wild in Ohio.

There's a wonderful little coffee shop a few blocks over from the house. Among other fine offerings, including an invitation to "bring your own wine," it has a coconut tea called Coconut Breeze, which I always saw on the chalkboard menu and thought, "Oh, God. That sounds just awful. Barf."

But, I got some by accident the other day and it seems that Coconut Breeze is really quite magnificent.

I ordered a medium English breakfast and somehow ended up with Coconut Breeze at the pick-up counter. Unawares of the mix up, I added my Splenda and cream as per usual, and found a pleasant surprise.

As with all "accidents," it wasn't really an accident. I credit Coconut Breeze with opening up a whole bunch of new horizons for me.

See, I figured if my perceptions were wrong about something as a benign and inconsequential as tea, what else have I been wrong about?

Turns out: quite a lot. A whole big crap load of things. Some of them big, some of them little.

For instance, I am a good dancer (not the awkward, drunken flailing kind but, like, actual dancing.) And, I've realized a microwave is not a necessity. I really don't find cockiness and condensation to be attractive qualities. And also, I don't have all of the answers.

And that's been kind of freeing, you know? To have my entire world turned upside down by a cup of tea.

But, there's at least one thing about which I've been proven correct time and time again: All dogs like their butts scratched.

I wonder why that is.

In the Comments section, tell me about your favorite hot beverage and/or if you know a dog who might prove me wrong.

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