Crystal Visions

I had one of the best sex dreams of my life Saturday night. So good, in fact, that I worried my panting and moaning might have woken up some of the darling people who were visiting for the weekend: Allison, Glynnis, Hot Sauce Flo Dad and T.J, all in from the Great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. (check out the sidebar "Who In the Hell is She Talking?" about for details.)

They assured me that, No, 123V, no one heard a peep, though Hot Sauce Flo Dad did stumble on to one of my many Interweb porn memberships whilst checking his e-mail.

"hiddenjane.com … nice," he said and flashed me a knowing smile.

Oy vey. I'm entirely comfortable with people knowing I like porn, but it feels funny to get into the specifics. However, because I love you, my pretties, I'll save you the Google step: Hidden Jane focuses on, um, women who, uh, like to maybe masturbate. A lot. Sometimes there are lesbians involved. I like that.

I suppose most folks enjoy it because it's *supposed* to be low down, hidden camera style. That actually makes me feel very, very skeevy—so much so that I cancelled about two weeks ago.

What drew me in, though, was that I KNOW the women are enjoying themselves. That's what's most attractive to me—the honesty behind it. And partly the abundance of big boobs.

But, alas, each time I use a Podunk gas station's bathroom, I check every crevice to make sure I'm not being watched because, my pretties, there are folks out there doing things of which you can't even conceive.

Off topic. My bad.

I meant to tell you that the reason I had such a mind-blowing mental sexcapade was because I was wearing some of Allison and T.J.'s handmade, healing crystal jewelry. My brain and my libido were energized—scary, I know, to think that I can get even more jazzed up. In particular, I was rocking a sultry pair of teardrop quartz earrings—good for general healing of the mind and body, as well as rebalancing. Safe to say, I was rebalanced after my nocturnal romp, yo.

I think we were all buzzing with the energy that friendship and coming together brings. With the inclusion of Megan Jane and Har Har Harwell, we had ourselves a nice little beerfest/healing crystal jewelry party/D.C. Sisterhood reunion/enchilada fiesta/rock n' roll blowout this weekend. I think we even played a few games of Taboo. Can you handle it?

There's nothing I like better than having a house full of people, my pretties. My Dad and Step-Mom were great role models for hosting—make sure there's plenty of food, plenty of drink, throw out any notion of a schedule and encourage people to take frequent naps. That's the key to a good visit.

It was so nice that Allison and T.J. spent an extra night. I'd like to think they were vibing on the crystals' energy and stayed to continue the unity and bonding of the weekend, but it might also have been because we started drinking wine for breakfast, and I got them too schnockered to leave.

I learned this weekend that amethyst can help with that, kids. Among many other things, it purifies the liver. It also looks damn sexy dangling from my ears.

Some of you already think I'm nuts for the astrology and therapy and the fascination with breasts, particularly my own. Well, it's a good thing I have a chunk of rose quartz to help strengthen my self love. Actually, my self love seems to be plenty strong these days.

But, hey, I'm curious: Do you have any good luck pieces or talismans that make you feel protected or energized or sexy? Tell me about them in the Comments section.