123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Royal Flush

Hey kidders,

I'm sitting on the throne over at Burt Reynolds' Mustache today talking about all sorts of crap. Come on over, and can you bring some TP?

In the Comments section, tell me again why it's not prudent for a 28-year-old woman to run away and join the circus.

Labels: turdlets

: Name: 123Valerie; Location: Ohio, United States

I probably need a good, swift kick in the ass.

View my complete profile

Got something to say to me? Preferably, you'll tell me how pretty I am and that I smell good, but I'll accept any comments, ideas, questions and naked photos.

123Valerie@gmail.com

12th House Astrology
91.3 The Summit Public Radio
Glass Antixx
Mike Lenz
thingpart
Patrick Sweany
The Museum of Bad Art

Brokekid.net
Scotty made brokekid.net righteous once again after the evil Hacker Attacker of 2006. He has a knack for finding an engaging mix of political, social, scientific and drinking-related pieces to please your mental palate. Throw in his clever comments, and voila! It's Scotty Stew. Grab a chair, you're gonna be there a while.
To Do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss
In between the search for hobbies and oral hygeine, Mist 1 finds time to crack me the hell up with her writing. 12 parts witty, 9 parts sex, and at least a good 7 or 8 parts wine. Now, go play.
Amalah
While I was fortunate enough to know Amalah (Aim-ah-lah) as my previous boss Extraordinaire, she's pretty much the boss of writing about life with a sweet, sweet baby boy. Read it. Live it. Shop it.
Brinki Dink
Quite possibly the most lovely human being ever created. No. Definitely the most lovely human being ever created.
Candy Sandwich
Scotty's sister, Kristin, offers up a blog that provides insightful insights about living in D.C. Chock-full of insightfulness and creamy nougat.
Miss Doxie
Do you like dachshunds? Do you like drunk antics? Do you like crazy poop stories from lawyers in Atlanta? I thought so. Check out Miss Doxie.
Flat Coke and Flies
Who doesn't love a Southern gal with smart, sexy things to say? Not me. I mean, I do. I like Southern gals with smart, sexy things to say. So, go. Visit. Luxuriate.
Johnny D.C. Johnny Hotpants likes Def Leppard but I forgive him because he's an intriguing mix of sweet and salty. Johnny Hotpants might actually be a honey-roasted peanut trapped in a human body. I'm just saying.
Attention Whore Attention Whore is Canadian AND an Aries. It doesn't get any better. Oh, and she's goddamn funny, too. Grab some poutine and go read.
Grampa's House So, one day I said to myself, "What this blogroll needs is a sociopath with an engaging past who resides in Hawaii." Lo and behold, Fate thought so, too, and brought me to Grampa.
The Morning Meeting
The CEO, whom I like to call Jefe because I may have a slight dominance/submission issue, is what every good leader should be: honest, intelligent and very humorous. He also seems to like red heads, which always wins points here.
Animal Mind
I've read several months into Matt's archives, and I still can't pin him down. I like that. He's a wily one. So far, I think he's either a used car salesman, a Midwestern housewife posing as an attractive young professional, the next Dali Lama or a sociopath. Go check him out for yourself and let me know if you come to any conclusions.
Meow
Emmie gives great advice. The first thing she said to me was: Stop bitching about being single and love yourself. Except she did it much more eloquently. Still, I think that offers insight into her wisdom. She's got plenty more insight to spare over at Meow
Steven Novak
Ah, the Incredible Steven Novak. Claims he was once a loser, but I don't buy it. Anyone that funny and irreverent with hair that spiky has always been cool. He just had to wait for the rest of world to realize it.
Burnett's Urban Ettiquette
More of a life guide than a blog, Mr. James Burnett provides us with, not only timely issues to ponder, but also an appropriate course of action to take in said situations. With a professional writing background and good-hearted tolerance for the gooberish comments I leave, James Burnett's Urban Ettiquette blog has nary a typo, and it's good for you--it has nearly as much iron and calcium as a serving of spinach. Fact.
Pit Stops
I love Ms. NosJunkie for recognizing there are different parts of herself that she needs to acknowledge and for being smart enough to do so. Intelligent, thoughtful, beautiful and residing in South Africa, I hope Ms. Nos is enjoying life in her hemisphere as much as we enjoy her cyber visits to ours.
Tommy Bailey
Like George Bailey of It's a Wonderful Life fame (I lurve Jimmy Stewart, kids), I would vote Tommy Bailey for President. Surprisingly, it's not one of his goals, though it should be because he has enough heart and determination to keep us all safe and happy. I think he's a fire sign; he's got a beautiful, positive outlook, and we all need that, right?
Hey Pretty
After meeting her, I have an even bigger crush on Hey Pretty. Her take on the world is wholly unique but inviting, as is her healthy boob and ass action. My crystal ball shows a lot of bourbon and boys in our future. I love me some Hey Pretty, and you will, too, I promise. Go see.
A Dog, A Cat, and a Girl in Fabulous Shoes
Oh, she's so lovely, traversing the universe with her living things, such as dogs and cats and plants, as well as her lacy underpants. I can't even keep track of my coupons, but I keep track of WG because she's worth it. Hey! You should, too.
OxyMoron
Hello Jason! A Hipster or a Dork, you are most welcome. With musical tastes that could take over the world and a smart wit that makes life worth living, I am happy to know that someone of his caliber also appreciates the simple pleasures of a grocery cart in its place.
Words On Waking
I spent an entire Sunday morning pouring over Spellbound's archives. The least you can do is give this beautiful woman's blog a look. You won't be disappoionted, I promise, my pretties.
Starboard Tack
I appreciate anyone who takes a new course in life. ST is embracing his new lease on life as the Southern Dapper Play Boy. His honesty and his vivid description will make you appreciate time spent reading his memoirs, but most of all, you'll walk away with an appreciation for anyone looking for love, including yours truly.
Hyacinths and Biscuits
Hy Biscuits, which sounds like hybiscus when you say it quickly and maybe she meant to do that and I'm just catching on, lives in Kentucky. I love the great state of Kentucky, and I love Hy Biscuits because she writes phrases like, "Thank goodness for fugly grandma bras." Indeed, HB, and thank goodness for you (Oh, and thank God for your boobs, too).
Janee Says
When Janee (accent above the final E) speaks, you should listen. Or, rather, when she writes, you should read. She's busy redefining her life, but there's always time for a good "So I almost had to kill a hawk with a shotgun for eating my chickens right before my band had a gig" story. Visiting is a must for anyone who's not sure where they want to be or what they want to be doing, which pretty much applies to me 98% of the time.
Letter of the Day/Studio 23 Dear Lee: Your letters of the day make my heart sing with joy and my nose snort with laughter. The Land 'O Lakes butter maid boob trick was the best. I am dreaming of the day when you will come out, so we can have Big Fun Adventures in the city, and you can teach me how to be awesome. Fondly and boobily yours, 123Valerie
Average Jane
Bear with me 'cause this is going to get confusing. The talented writer of Average Jane is actually named Lisa. And, and, and--she's not average at all. No sir. Tall and lovely with enough wit and spunk to carry it off, Lisa Lisa is waaaaaaay above average, especially her writing.
You'd Never Guess
You might try to guess, but until you go visit, you won't know that she's got some darn entertaining and touching things to say about the kind of stuff that you and I deal with every day. But, Guess manages to make them not so "everyday," ya know? She likes to drink, and I am plotting a way I can get out to California so we can hang out in a hot tub together and have cabana boys (or her husband) fetch us drinks with umbrellas.
Es Locura
Es Locura es mi amiga. She says she's only been doing this bloggy thing for a short time, but I don't buy it. She's got way more talent in her archives than most people have in their little finger. Wait. That's not right. She's got more little fingers than most people have talent. Oh, for Pete's sake, just go read. She lives in Puerto Rico (that's Rich Port, gringos), and she teaches me Spanish words like "scrotum."
EJ Takes Life
The first time I met EJ, she was wearing a stripey sweater. I lurve stripey sweaters, and I love EJ. She is all tall gloriousness/warrior princess/social pundit/awesome hair/damn fine blogger.
Constant Winter
Winter writes about her life with the perfect mix of mystery, sincerity, humor and gall. The way she writes is the way I wish I wrote, which means I frequently steal her ideas. She's also hot, so, ya know, you can't beat a smart girl who's hot. And seriously? Why would you try?
It's All Good Senor Caiman is the enigmatic, high-rolling, lady-loving alligator from somewhere in North Carolina/Florida-ish. He's quite talented with the Adobe Photoshop and loves to feature fellow bloggers in comprimising situations, as well as your favorite musical hits in a kaliope style. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a secret crush on Senor Caiman. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't a little ashamed of that.
No, Really ... You're Kidding, Right? I'm not kidding her (purposely left "her," so you can say it gangsta), my pretties. Kidn, as I like to call her, has more wit, heart and gumption than a gallon of bourbon would give me. She also has less pee-pee pants than I might have after a gallon of bourbon. Thank goodness.
Extraneous KickAssery Jon lives in Baltimore, which means that even if he weren't funny and awesome, I would still like him. But, it's best that he has a penchant for beer and Cornhole (in that order), 'cause I'd hate to have to kick his ass extraneously. Oh my gah, I'm so funny. Yah, not as funny as Jon. Go see.
All Things Pookie Pookie Pants is preggers. Pookie Pants is also a big fan of the Nikki Sixx. Don't let that fact keep you from the musings of a hot 30-something who is trying to balance a life that used to revolve around mosh pits and tats but is now focused on onesies and ultrasounds. Totally ROCKING ultrasounds, but still ...
My Reflecting Pool I imagine Pool to be the kind of woman who reclines on a chaise lounge, filing her nails, all while running a Fortune 500 company and working on her cure for cancer. She seems the epitome of the Everything Woman, and she likes her cocktails. This is her second blog (after her first, a favorite among the blogosphere, was used against her), Pool also finds time in her third blog to offer us poor saps good advice.
Everything and Nothing Oh, if only all knee surgeries ended so well. Akelamalu started her blog as way to document her healing process. Along the way, she found that the blogosphere was really pretty "kneet."
Minty I feel like I know Minty well--perhaps a little too well. I recognize parts of myself, and I read, captivated by her honesty. A brilliant mix of minutiae and matter, Minty is, indeed, very fresh.
Slick Sumbitch First and foremost, Slick is a train conductor. I know we are not defined by what we do, but good Goddamn, that's cool. I don't know what it says about me, but I still haven't figured out why he got the Most Obnoxious Blogger award. Maybe you can tell me.
Krazee Eyez Killa He's Pimpin' for Jesus, he loves his wife and kid, and he manages to seamlessly meld that with his straight-up gangsta lean. Brilliant, not to mention his spot-on music reviews and his undying affection for Natalie Maines--he'll have to fight me for her though.
Love, Lorelai I do! I DO love Lorelai! She proudly boasts that she is Colonial America's most talked about blog, but 123V knows the the Pioneers lurve her, too. D.C. locals will find this one especially entertaining.

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