123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Who In the Hell Is She Talking About?

    So, it's come to my attention that I don't know some of you in the real world, which means that when I tell stories about my lovely, talented friends who live outside of the Interweb, you have no idea who these people are. I hope this helps.

    Adelka Ann: One of the very best things to ever come out of Youngstown, Ohio. I met Adelka Ann in my high school English class junior year. Among other things, she is talented dancer, choreographer, actor, puppeteer and Justin P.'s girlfriend. Her Mom makes the best pickles the world has ever known.

    Allison: A D.C. Sister through and through, Allison is the genius behind our online women's circle. She and Megan Jane went to college together, and, because Megan Jane has such impeccible taste, I knew Allison was in my life forever after we "met" on a camping trip. Allison, and her beau T.J., are busy building a jewelry empire. They will create the next Tiffany's, just with much more healing ability.

    April: My friendship with April is one of the few surviving reminders of my time as a Sky Girl years ago. She literally was my friend Jesse's Girl, and I loved her immediately for her outgoing nature, ability to make a wicked batch of Green Demon and her willingness to wear naughty schoolgirl outfits. She's in Chicago now instructing all of the boys about cars. Yeah, she's that cool.

    Bon Bon: Also known as Bonita, Bonqueatha and Miss B, I met Bon Bon during a bartendress gig at Max & Erma's in Canton, Ohio. I could not remember her name for the first 3 months we worked together and thus did not talk to her. That is why she now has so many names, in case I forget one again. Bon Bon's talent as a painter is only superceded by her sweet heart.

    Brinki Dink: A fellow D.C. Sister, I just met the lovely Miss Dink in person. She is quite possibly the most lovely human being ever created. No. Definitely the most lovely human being ever created.

    Bridgy: Bridgy and I were roommates in Granite Falls, North Carolina, population 6.5. We met working at a Rock-Ola Cafe, serving up burgers, fries and 'tude. Bridgy was a wonderful confidant and helped maintain my solid streak of great roommates, and she didn't mind when I ate her chicken nuggets.

    Busta Keeton: Busta is Scotty's Peace Corp buddy whom I have gladly claimed as my own. Busta is a sharp dresser who wears stripey shirts and European-ish shoes. That is probably why he has a cool ass girlfriend like Kimberlicious.

    Byrd: Byrd IS the word. I just love her. She's a friend of Scotty's from work. A fiesty one who bartendresses at Kitty O'Shea's on top of her very professional day gig, Byrd's got a laugh that could save the world, a golden heart and head full of red hair.

    Candy Sandwich: Kristin is from the same Ohio town as Megan Jane and I. She's also Scotty's older sister, which means I always thought she was way cool. I still do, and I'm glad the universe insisted we become friends.

    Corina, Corina: Like Corona, but with an I. Corina and I met while trying to dodge staplers and sautee pans at Michael's Restaurant. We both survived and eventually became roommates at the little blue house on Belle Street that smelled like oil. I remember it as a sweet little place; she probably just remembers the thin walls. Sorry about that, C.

    567Devin: Devo, as we like to call him, is another friend I met through Jams after moving to D.C. One night, I got drunk and Devo and I fooled around. I confessed my crush, and he did not return the sentiment. It's still slightly awkward, but I'm glad he hung in there as a friend.

    Double A: He stays busy driving airplanes and cavorting all over this planet. He's a darling friend and former roommate I met during my days as a Sky Girl. Coffe, tea, Double A and me: we're all hot.

    Har Har Harwell: The night I met HH Harwell through his friend Jams, he was wearing a turtleneck sweater. Despite his handsome looks and effervescent charm, I was not the least bit attracted to him. This was because he was meant to be Megan Jane's boyfriend, and it would have been weird.

    Hot Sauce Flo Dad: Mr. Flo Dad and Glynnis are K-I-S-S-I-N-G, but lots of folks would like to kiss Flo Dad because he's so goddamn cool. By day, he works for a state park system hunting out sweet camping sites for us. At night, he makes salsa that will make you weep with happiness.

    Glynnis: A lovely sprite of a D.C. Sister, I have fortunately met Glynntastics's acquaintance through Megan Jane's guidance. Glynnis and Megan Jane went to college together, and like so many of Megan's favorite people, I have ushered Glynnie into my heart. She sings, she dances, she teaches. She Is.

    Jams: Some people might call him James. I met him before I moved down to D.C. via Craig's List. Jams wanted to start a country band, and I thought it sounded like fun, too. We have yet to start the country band, but Jams is still a very welcome addition to my circle of friends.

    Janee: There is an accent above the final "e" of Janee's name. I was best friends and roommates with Janee's sister, Corina. My heart broke twice on account of the lovely sisters--once when Corina left, and again when I failed to let myself love Janee. The wonderous Janee and I are friends now, for which I'm eternally grateful, as she raises chickens, writes and brews beer, but I'm sorry to say there's unfinished business on many accounts.

    Justin P.: Justin P has a long, glorius ponytail, and even though I don't take too kindly to guys who have nicer hair than I do, I would forgive Justin P. almost anything because 1) he is a most talented sculptor and artist 2) Adelka Ann is in love with him 3) he is very, very analytical. Because he is a Virgo.

    Kimberlicious: I knew the moment I met Kimberlicious at a Georgetown bar, during the middle of the World Cup 2006, that she was someone I would be glad to have around. She suggested shots and then proceeded to talk about literature and science and my wet shorts from kayaking. The perfect mix of smarts and sass, Kimberlicious is also a good mix for Busta Keeton's heart, I dare say.

    Kirstin: It's K-I-R-S-T-I-N. Not Kristen. Not Kristina. Kirstin. I also met her at Max and Erma's, and her wonderful laugh and huge boobs won me over right away. I was in her wedding, and she looked like an absolute princess. She is a devoted mother, friend, student, manager of projects, but I mostly just keep her around for her boobs.

    Kristina Hot Pants: I met Kristina Hot Pants in my junior year of college at Kent State University. We were surviving a hellacious PR class called, "The Bitchiest Professora Who Wears Too Much Tweed 101." We didn't get to talk all that much at first, and it wasn't until we were paired for our senior "kick your ass until next Tuesday" group campaigns class that we discovered we both loved fried mac and cheese, drinking for effect and Silver Strike bowling. I'm going to move back to Cleveland and live with Kristina Hot Pants and her daughter. She just doesn't know it yet.

    JennyJenny8675309: JennyJenny8675309 is my wicked cool roommate who saved me from life with Roommate Jeremy. She is a lawyer and does important things. She also eats a lot of icecream.

    Lorelai: Also known as #1Laura and I became friends because we work together, and she told me upon our meeting that people from Ohio were the nicest ones. I was immensely excited that she wanted to be my friend because she is capable, intelligent and always supportive of my tendency to be a little slutty.

    The Lovely Ms. Taylor: Ms. Taylor is Sean P.K.'s sweetie and roommate. They were roommates first, but the ever astute Sean P.K. recognized how wonderful she is and said, "Lady, I want to share a bathroom AND my bed with you." She is whip smart and funny and, well, lovely.

    Matty: Known to the world as Animal Mind, to me he's just Matty. Or Mattress. Or Matterhorn. Or Matter of Fact. Or Matriculation. Or Welcome Matt. Megan Jane calls him Matter of Pearl. Chime in if you've got one. We are a tale of MIRLing gone right. Except for a few brief awkward periods and one tragic day in a Hagerstown, Maryland, emergency room.

    Megan Jane: I've known Megan Jane since I was 9. She knows more about me than anyone and yet still loves me. She brightens my life and has always liked frogs. Always. Megan Jane makes me feel completely at home with myself, largely because she is such a stunning example of inward and outward beauty. Because I don't hang out with ugly people, every time I'm around Megan Jane, I'm reminded that I must be alright myself, or she wouldn't be my friend. Actually, yes she would because she's a better person than I am.

    Scotty: AKA Brokekid.net, Scotty is teh reason I decided to spill my guts to the Interweb. I've known him for a good many years--we were neighbors in Small Town, Ohio. He lived in a blue house, I in a yellow. He wasn't very cool in 1988, but then neither was I. He has grown into an awesome man by joining the Peace Corp and saving the world. I am simply glad that I have grown to like sushi.

    Sean P.K.: We share the same birthday, March 27. Both super-warm, slightly wacky, whiskey-loving Aries. I met Sean P.K. some years back because he went to college with Megan Jane. Neither of us made much of an impression on each other at the time, and it took several years and the District of Columbia to join us as friends. He and the lovely Miss Taylor are roommates and lovahs.

    Theresa: T was my saving grace when I started at the Sacred Heart School in 8th grade. She has a beautiful, genuine nature that I find hard to believe still exists these days. She is one of the most intelligent, creative souls I know, and what I appreciate about her most is that she's happy to share her talents. She just got married to a wonderful man named Skye Perry, and they blow amazing glass in Colorado.

    T.J.: T.J. came to us via his girlfriend, Allison. He's 50% of their thriving jewelry business, Crystal Fusion, and 100% awesome. A gentle force, T.J.'s got a knack for telling stories and making mountain pies.

    Wonder Dog Bean: Beanie is JennyJenny8675309's wonderful dog. She's a rotweiller/lab mix who came from a shelter in Georgia. She is very sweet and farts a lot.

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