123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Could Someone Please Extinguish My Pants?

I have fallen to a new depth of desperation and depravity.

I lied to one of 567Devin's friends and told him I had a date this weekend. For no good reason. Seriously. I don't even think the lie, designed to make me look sought-after and highly desirable, will even get back to 567Devin. In fact, I hope it doesn't because it was executed very, very poorly.

If it does get back to him, it will sound a little something like this: "123Valerie had a really bad date with a jerky guy this weekend, and now she's worried that she's never going to find someone who appreciates her."

So sad. So very sad.

I was a PR major and I can't even spin a good yarn about how I was whooping it up with Justin Timberlake's second cousin, Lucas, on a private yacht. That would have been a good lie. Well, maybe that one needs some work, too, but it's definitely an improvement.

My problem is that I'm terribly inconsistent with my lying. Sometimes I deserve an Oscar and sometimes I deserve a rotten tomato heaved at my face. And there's no rhyme or reason, either. I can get away with big, life changing lies like, "I love you, too." Then, I'll completely blow it on, "Did you see Munich yet?" Yes, and I thought Lindsay Lohan was excellent in it.

Why lie? I mean, why lie at all, but REALLY why lie about whether or not I saw a movie? Or what I had for lunch? Or about having a dumb date this weekend for a boy that I don't even think I like anymore?

Maybe I need to get out more. That's it. This weekend, I'm going to try something new. Meet some new people. Maybe even go out on a real date. I'd like to start training for a marathon, so maybe I'll go running with JennyJenny8675309.

Why does my butt feel hot?

In the Comments section, tell me the most ridiculous lie you have ever heard or told. The winner gets a copy of Munich, the director's version that has Lindsay Lohan's cut scenes. (I totally swear, you guys. Cross my heart.)



Fuck. I'm not going to be able to sit for a week.

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