123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Aw, Hell No. I Ain't Going Down Like That.

Who was the crazy person who overtook my blog and posted about feeling overwhelmed, all woeful and generally desperate-like?

It certainly wasn't me.

That's a lie. Yes it was, but it's amazing what a little perspective and some meatloaf can do for a gal's sanity (actually turkey, lentil and rice loaf, but get off my back).

I had a bit of a break down for a minute, kids, and I'm actually going to cop to The Excuse That Strong, Independent Women Don't Like to Admit To: I am PMSing. There, I said it. I have hormones, and I am at the prime child-bearing age. Get off my back.

It can make some of us crazy. Not all of us, though, and, for the record, I don't get bitchy. I get dramatically depressed and anxious and do things like eat cookies for breakfast, call up old boyfriends and eat more cookies. Then poof, I am fine. You boys don't know how good you have it. Where my girls at?

Thankfully, I had a host of nice moments today that turned this ship around.

Beware: Links A-Go-Go Ahead

Also, when I was at the gym tonight a very handsome man, who introduced himself as Rico, asked for my number. Now, Rico was smoking hot, but also 5'1". At 5'6" and three-quarters, I have to admit I was uncomfortable with his proximity to my nipples. That's my issue to work through and I commend his boldness, but I pulled a fake boyfriend out of my hat and just enjoyed the sentiment.

I stopped at the grocery store after my workout and saw a sign for crackers that gave me pause. Stoned Wheat Thins. It conjured up all sorts of images of crackers sitting in the basement, firing up and saying, "Dude, I'm starving. Do you any of, well, us to eat?"

I am easily amused.

The point is--and I'm sure you've been waiting on the edge of your seat with your knickers in a twist--I am feeling better, my pretties. I just had to step in a big pile of crazy before I reached the path of tranquility.

That's what that smell is, in case you were wondering.

In the Comments section, tell me if you've ever dated someone 1) slightly famous 2) who suffered from severe PMS 3) and/or had a considerable height difference. The winner of the best story gets a box of Stoned Wheat Thins. Dude.


  • At 1:37 AM , Blogger brinki dink said...

    1. never dated a famous person (though I did rub up against Robert Randolph once)

    2. PMS is getting worse by the month, perhaps I too am at prime fertility age...too bad my maturity level hasn't caught up yet

    3. I'm 5'10 and a smidge, I'm taller than all the boys :(

  • At 2:23 AM , Blogger spoon said...

    1. No, thankfullly
    2. I used to think PMS was a fallacy until one day it slapped me up the side of the head and I was suddenly a believer (and so was everyone around me)
    3. No, I'm pretty frikkin' short, it would be a challenge to beat that.

  • At 9:40 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    No famous people for me; though, I did go out with a bass player once. And a saxophonist. Both from local bands. Different local bands. One was slightly shorter than me and at that height the shortest guy I've ever dated.

    I've dated a number of guys at 6'5", though. Considerable height difference from my 5'8" frame but probably not what you mean.

    One (recent) ex was my height and depressed. Not exactly PMS but damn close and he never got over it.

    Wow, I'm boring. Will stop rambling now.

  • At 10:26 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    Those stoned wheat thins are just wasting their lives away. They better get themselves together.

    Crackers these days. Geez.

  • At 10:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    What's this about stoned crackers? I take offense.

  • At 11:49 AM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    B Dink, I feel like I should know who Robert Randolph is. I think 5' 10" is a striking heighth for a woman. I always wanted to be taller. My friend April is also 5' 10". She looks very good in thigh highs.

    Hiya Spoonie, thanks for swinging by. PMS is real, and it can be frightening. How short is frikkin' short? Like 4'7" That's cool. I could put you in my pocket.

    K, honey, was he depressed because you were the same height? That would be weird. I like being on the same level, because I like to kiss, and it makes it much easier to kiss someone when their mouth is lined up directly with yours. Also other body parts line up.

    Mist, my dear, it's truly a shame. I mean look at what happened to those nice cheese kids. They got all hopped up on that nitrous oxide and now suddenly they're Cheeze Whiz. It tain't right I tell ya.

    Matt-A-Tat-Tat-On-Dat-Ass, settle down, meine kleine moussa. No need for offense. The Stoned Wheat Thins only struck me as funny because I was drunk. At 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. In a grocery store.

    Alright, that's not really true. It was 1:30.

  • At 12:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Glad your're feeling better. I'll try to never take over your blog again. ;)


  • At 1:22 PM , Anonymous Allison said...

    i'm taller than all the boys too. can't do the short it's my one thing i can't get past. i could get past race, religion, accents, buying habbits, car fetishes etc...but not shortness. this seniment should not be for all it's just for me.

    oh and your stoned wheat thins made me remember a similar crazy thing last night. tj and i were talking about debit cards and a lack of cash in our society. we figured in the future we are probably gonna move to a moneyless society and everyone will pay for things with plastic and cash will be obsoleate....

    well...that made me think how will people buy pot? you would have to barter somhow....

    ok so i'll go to the grocery store and pick you up some milk and bread and gummy bears and tampons and that will be about 40 bucks so you can hook me up with a forty bag mr dealer...

    it was funner last night BUT I am on the same crazy cracked out track as you my loverly frined val :)


  • At 9:12 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Damn you Steven. You're a sneaky monkey. Did you also eat my leftover enchiladas, too?

    Alliy, why don't you try that now? Then you won't have to worry about getting hit with the whole purchasing thing.

    "I was just buying my friend some groceries, officer. She gave this to me as a cooking herb."

  • At 9:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I have never dated anyone famous, just spent a lot of time with them. The vast majority are no different from anyone you know. The exception are the ones that think they are special because they are famous. He was my closest friend since 3rd grade. We are no longer friends.

    PMS is real, my sympathies.

    I have never cared if a woman was taller or shorter than me. Still don't. All I care is that she's open minded and laughs when I try to make a joke. If she tries to keep the conversation going, everything will be fine.

  • At 10:29 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    Oh my gosh that's the funniest post you've done in awhile. I literally laughed out loud 3 times!

    I don't know why Links A Go Go made me laugh but it did. Then reading about how star struck you are...much like myself. Imagine the puddles we'd be if we met Screech from Saved By The Bell!! Or even Urkle!! I thought about you the other day when an Air Supply song came on our new Comcast music station on the TV. That was an awesome post too!
    Stoned crackers? Hmmm...
    No dates with anything close to famous. I like short guys...not shorter than me but my height will work nicely. I've discovered that someone with the same height helps hitting the G-spot JUST RIGHT!

    You're gonna make me fat always giving me this food after I post a cool comment. Now come over and post on mine and I'll give you something *real* special...

  • At 12:19 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    FC&F, I have been on kind of downer lately, huh? Glad you liked.

    Jefe, you don't care about height because you are solid person who is confident. Or just very horny.


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