Get on Board

So, no resolution to the whole virgin thing. Ya'll seem evenly split on how I should proceed. Thanks for nothing, Interweb. I thought you were supposed to solve all of my problems. Fat lot of good you do me.

Can you tell I'm a little testy today? It's largely because I need to get laid. My body got all excited about the possibility and--boom--it was taken away. I'm going to capitalize on my grumpiness and rant a little bit. Fasten your seatbelt. Literally.

For the record, I think it's great to alert people to the fact that you have a baby on board. I really do. While I'm not sure that people with kids should automatically get special work schedules or parking spaces, I do think it's good to be more mindful of the little buggers when driving.

Think of how helpful it would be if everyone had those day glow diamonds.

Inconsiderate Lover on Board

Habitual Nose Picker on Board

Bad Tipper on Board

Person with A Tendency to Get Really Jealous and Possessive and Yell at You in Front of Your Friends on Board

Farts That Smell Like Cabbage on Board

(Aside tangent: Why do smokers get a smoke break? I don't get to take a bourbon break. Sexaholics don't get a masturbation break. Gambling addicts don't get to duck out four times a day to play the slot machines. I know you're gonna tell me it's really for everyone's good: nick fits, short tempers, relaxation. You don't think a tumbler full of Jim Beam would offer me the same? Bring it on, debaters. I can handle it. Cigarettes killed my Mom, so you're not going to win me over on this one. But, I'd like to hear you try.)

In any case, as a courteous driver anyway, I appreciate that parents with kids might be a little unfocused, tired, trepidatious, what have you. However, that little yellow placard does not give you open license to drive like a butt brain.

I had a lady cut me off this morning then switch back over to the other lane for no reason, without one single flick of a turn signal. I honked to convey my serious disappointment at her inconsideration regarding my road space. At the stop light (ooh! Stop Light Spotlight!), she turned to me and gave me a scowl then pointed to a screaming baby in the backseat.

My guess is the baby was rudely awakened by his mama driving like Bo Duke, not my gentle horn meeping.

The good news, my pretties, is that I met another online friend. Anthony. Also a Sagittarius. Also a writer. Probably not a virgin, though I've been wrong about that before. I'll keep you posted. Cohen is still in the running--no worries--but I feel it's in my best interest to keep my options and my legs open.

In the Comments section, feel free to rant about anything you want. I'm in a bitchy mood, so I'd like to expand the circle of nastiness.