Good, Bad, but Not Different

For many years, I lived under the impression that people with disabilities, or differently-abled people, or people with challenges, or the good, old fashioned people who use enabling devices, were meek, mild and generally perfect angels.

I was wrong.

People with disabilities can be mean sons of bitches. They can also be slutty, drink to belligerence or generally wreak havoc on the universe with their devious ways. I know this to be fact because, during my freshman year at college while attending Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio, one of my many jobs was working as a personal assistant to people with disabilities.

Wright State is one of the nation's most "accessible" campuses, and thus requires a lot of student employees to do things such as take notes for other students, bathe, toilet and dress them, and generally act as human punching bags.

I worked with several students, in addition to my full schedule of working at the student center box office, working with the office of outdoor recreation, working with the foreign exchange student acclimation department, honors club and getting blind drunk on Popov vodka with Hi-C.

A lot of them, I don't remember. It's amazing how wiping one person's ass is very similar to another's. After a short time, you simply get used to the idea that it's necessary for their existence, and there's nothing to be embarrassed or grossed out by. Okay, there's plenty to be grossed out by, but still. Where my nurses at? Holla if ya hear me!

Still, the physical aspects of the job were cake—we got to wear gloves, my pretties.

The part that stuck with me was that these were people, too. Some of the students I worked with were asshats. Some were douche bags. Some were dickwads. Their abilities had nothing to do with it, and several come to mind.

Kira, was a freshman with cerebral palsy. She was whip smart and mean as a snake. She used to run me over with her wheel chair. I swear to Pete—I can't make this up. I did everything, from get her up in the morning to wipe her bottom before bed. In between, she found time to terrorize me by chasing me down in hallways and showing up at parties and ramming the backs of my knees with her chair at full speed.

As I did her hair in the mornings with a curling iron, she'd suddenly hit the control stick for her chair so she would jerk forward, and the curling iron would inevitably burn me. I've still got scars. Mental and physical.

There was also Jaime, who had spina bifida. She gave more blowjobs than any porn star I've ever seen. The weird part is that someone who was "trained" to care for her had to be close by in case she choked on the semen, and we had to aspirate her.

Let's not forget Ricky, the first and only male I worked with. It's a given that most of the guys will get erections at some point while you're caring for them. No big deal. It's strictly—or largely—physiological. But Ricky liked to play a fun game where he'd unhook his colostomy bag and fling it on you. Ha ha, Ricky! Good one!

After two quarters, I had enough. Indirectly, I blame these handicapped hooligans for pushing me to drop out of college (the first go round). My friends were working at cafeterias bitching about leftover Salisbury steak, meanwhile I was wiping remnants of that leftover Salisbury steak off of someone's bum. Someone who would proceed to blow snot on me with a "My bad. I can't control my bodily functions" addendum.

It sucked, but it also enlightened me in the purest sense of the word. People with disabilities really aren't any different than you or I—at least, not because of their mobility or mental state.

I'm not saying this can apply to your life or that you should assume every person who uses a wheel chair or crutches is out to get you (though you should be careful)—it's just that, as I get older and try to learn more about myself and others, I'm struck with the notion that we're all the same.

Only some of us like to fling poop at other people. Here's to you, Ricky.

In the Comments section, tell me something surprising you learned in college. I would greatly appreciate if the story involved lesbian sex.