123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Good, Bad, but Not Different

For many years, I lived under the impression that people with disabilities, or differently-abled people, or people with challenges, or the good, old fashioned people who use enabling devices, were meek, mild and generally perfect angels.

I was wrong.

People with disabilities can be mean sons of bitches. They can also be slutty, drink to belligerence or generally wreak havoc on the universe with their devious ways. I know this to be fact because, during my freshman year at college while attending Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio, one of my many jobs was working as a personal assistant to people with disabilities.

Wright State is one of the nation's most "accessible" campuses, and thus requires a lot of student employees to do things such as take notes for other students, bathe, toilet and dress them, and generally act as human punching bags.

I worked with several students, in addition to my full schedule of working at the student center box office, working with the office of outdoor recreation, working with the foreign exchange student acclimation department, honors club and getting blind drunk on Popov vodka with Hi-C.

A lot of them, I don't remember. It's amazing how wiping one person's ass is very similar to another's. After a short time, you simply get used to the idea that it's necessary for their existence, and there's nothing to be embarrassed or grossed out by. Okay, there's plenty to be grossed out by, but still. Where my nurses at? Holla if ya hear me!

Still, the physical aspects of the job were cake—we got to wear gloves, my pretties.

The part that stuck with me was that these were people, too. Some of the students I worked with were asshats. Some were douche bags. Some were dickwads. Their abilities had nothing to do with it, and several come to mind.

Kira, was a freshman with cerebral palsy. She was whip smart and mean as a snake. She used to run me over with her wheel chair. I swear to Pete—I can't make this up. I did everything, from get her up in the morning to wipe her bottom before bed. In between, she found time to terrorize me by chasing me down in hallways and showing up at parties and ramming the backs of my knees with her chair at full speed.

As I did her hair in the mornings with a curling iron, she'd suddenly hit the control stick for her chair so she would jerk forward, and the curling iron would inevitably burn me. I've still got scars. Mental and physical.

There was also Jaime, who had spina bifida. She gave more blowjobs than any porn star I've ever seen. The weird part is that someone who was "trained" to care for her had to be close by in case she choked on the semen, and we had to aspirate her.

Let's not forget Ricky, the first and only male I worked with. It's a given that most of the guys will get erections at some point while you're caring for them. No big deal. It's strictly—or largely—physiological. But Ricky liked to play a fun game where he'd unhook his colostomy bag and fling it on you. Ha ha, Ricky! Good one!

After two quarters, I had enough. Indirectly, I blame these handicapped hooligans for pushing me to drop out of college (the first go round). My friends were working at cafeterias bitching about leftover Salisbury steak, meanwhile I was wiping remnants of that leftover Salisbury steak off of someone's bum. Someone who would proceed to blow snot on me with a "My bad. I can't control my bodily functions" addendum.

It sucked, but it also enlightened me in the purest sense of the word. People with disabilities really aren't any different than you or I—at least, not because of their mobility or mental state.

I'm not saying this can apply to your life or that you should assume every person who uses a wheel chair or crutches is out to get you (though you should be careful)—it's just that, as I get older and try to learn more about myself and others, I'm struck with the notion that we're all the same.

Only some of us like to fling poop at other people. Here's to you, Ricky.

In the Comments section, tell me something surprising you learned in college. I would greatly appreciate if the story involved lesbian sex.


  • At 10:18 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Uhm... lesbian sex in college?...nope, never happened....really...I mean that....ahem.
    The things I learned about in college is that it IS possible to still find someone attractive even after they vomit on your shoes...twice.

  • At 11:25 AM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    College lesbian sex? Sorry, all my stories are from high school. I actually just got back into contact with my high school sweetiepie, after 10 years, she's living in some arctic land of Wisconsin!! Good times we had...

    Working in a hospital I totally relate to the MEAN MEAN people. They don't give a shit, pardon the pun. They would just as soon hock a loogie up in your face as Jesus Christ himself (spitting it in my direction optional depending on mood).

    Glad we have all learned what makes this little world spin round & round.

  • At 11:32 AM , Blogger Johnny said...

    Sorry, I kind of have a meat wagon attached to my loins.

    Im just sayin.

  • At 11:58 AM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Johnny Hopscotch, that is NO excuse. I'm disappointed in you. Having a penis should not keep you from enjoying lesbian sex.

    I mean, AW, dug deep and offered up a vomiticious piece of wisdom, the least you could do is play along.

    FC&F--is this the girl you saw recently who was all, "So, I'd like to get it on with you now"? I remember that story.

    Speaking of working, did you start your new part-time gig yet? Everything still groovy for the full-time thing in January?

  • At 1:20 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I'm lame. No college lesbian sex. No lesbian sex. Lots of college sex...

  • At 2:10 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    123 I actually got a phone call yesterday offering a full time job at a orthopedic clinic. I'm supposed to receive a phone call today letting me know what they think my services are WORTH ($$$) I'll keep you posted, thanks for asking!

    Actually the girl I ran into awhile back was straight in h.s. and I assume is straight now. Mr. Wonderful disagrees. I've never written about my h.s. gf. Gosh I'd die if someone ever read it that knew me. I was young and curious. But I made lots of memories!!

  • At 5:26 PM , Blogger Kelley said...

    Something learned in college...I'm assuming you don't mean anything of the lucrative job-landing nature? Because I got none o' that. Neither, sadly, did I get any lesbian sex. My experimentation was limited to things of the chemical variety.

  • At 9:22 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I used prefer to date men with disabilities. I wanted a man who had been through some pain in his life already, so that I didn't have to do it.

    As for college, we were um, really drunk. Yeah. Really drunk.

  • At 12:16 AM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    Lesbian sex in college?? Hmm. I actually think I was out of college at the time. I don't really remember, but then with all the drugs and drinking I've done i am suprised i even remember it happened!

  • At 12:19 AM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    Oh yeah and I am still waiting on that smoke and bourbon break you mentioned! though, i think I would prefer vodka breaks or even blue moon. as quite as that office is they need a bourbon break to wake thier asses up. I think i might suggest it!!!!!!

  • At 11:12 AM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Well, on the whole, I'm surprised there hasn't been more lesbian sex, but the ex-mrs.borrell never lets me down. Ever. I lurve you.

    I'm quite pleased with new friends--hey Kelley! I'm more a drunkard, but this is an equal-opportunity substance abusing blog. Glad to have you.

    Mist has a great idea, as usual. How's that date with your Dad looking?

  • At 11:53 AM , Blogger Brokekid said...

    No lesbian sex.

    But I did help wipe the ass of a mentally impaired man, bare-handed in a Citgo once because he shat himself in the snack aisle, while walking to the bathroom with his pants around his knees.

    There was a gentle tapping on the door, I peaked out and saw a line of carpoolers eagerly awaiting the use of the restroom. I suggested that they use the ladies bathroom as it was "going to be a while." And it was.

  • At 11:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    There was also Jaime, who had spina bifida. She gave more blowjobs than any porn star I've ever seen.

    You just reminded me to post a story about "Justeen" from college, a girl who was for awhile confined to a wheelchair and who did much the same.

    Sometimes, they have a lot to prove.


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