123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Gray Matter

I found a gray hair this morning, kids.

It's always surprising to get a glimpse of my natural hair color, which I haven't seen in at least a decade, but I was very startled to find it's apparently gray now. I wonder when my pubic hair will turn. I spend a lot of time thinking about pubic hair--mine, yours, Bono's. Everybody's got it, and what one does with it is very telling of their true nature.

It's just such an unruly part of the body--very unpredictable, that pubic hair. Some people let it go free, some meticulously trim it and some remove it completely.

(Side note: dudes, shaving it all does not, in fact, make your love trunk look bigger. It makes it look like it is cold and needs a scarf and hat. But, do your thing. I'm not here to judge. If you want me to judge your wiener, though, just ask. I give free estimates.)

I abhor saying the word "pubic," though. Pew bick. I hate the way my lips purse from the word. Gross. Same with "pussy." Saying that word makes my tummy squish up a little bit, though I do like the dirty talk. I've found "cunt" to be a very agreeable alternative.

I should clarify (well, actually I SHOULD NOT clarify, but I'm going to anyway), that I only like the dirty talk with the boys, not the girls. I think this is because I view women as beautiful creatures who deserve respect and reverence while we're gettin' busy. It's much more raw with the dudes--I like to tell them exactly what I like, where, when, and how. Lest you worry I'm too dominate, I also very much appreciate being told what they like, where, when and how. I'm a dirty talker and a dirty listener. Give and take, kids. Give and take.

How did I get here?

Anyhoo, I'm fascinated with this process--the whole getting older thing. I just bought wrinkle cream. I think I'm okay with it all. When I get old, like 70, I have very definite plans to drink bourbon all day long, wear thigh-high waders for no reason and give the neighborhood kids presents.

In the Comments section, feel free to talk dirty to me or tell me what you'd like to do when you're old.

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16 Comments:

  • At 1:16 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    Well, I'd have to say that I definately favor the modern "less is more" attitude toward pubic hair, though I'd never shave my own balls--even on a bet.

    I just wish I could travel back ten years to implement my new "No Cunnilingus For Hippies" policy.

     
  • At 1:18 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    And speaking of aging, it's funny how when you're young all you can think of is MILFs but then you get a little older and you want some "barely legal."

    Ahhhhh, life.

     
  • At 1:27 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    I agree, Matty. Everything in moderation. I have a lof of Hippie friends, but I tend to shy away from them romatically. I don't mind the body hair, but I don't care for patchouli.

    I think the opposite is true for the straight ladies--all I can think about are older guys. Hmm.

     
  • At 4:00 PM , Blogger Tom Bailey said...

    I had not idea that 70 year olds drank bourbon. I thought they just drank ensure.

    Mixing the two?

    Nieghborhood kids gifts? Like candy for the little boys in the neighborhood?

     
  • At 5:03 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I don't suppose I think too much about growing older. Once I start finding gray hair, anywhere, I'll probably start thinking. Maybe investing in anti-wrinkle cream. I'm so bad about things like that.

     
  • At 5:24 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    Oh MY !!!! That post says so much about why I love you !! I laughed out loud as I pictured you sitting in a chair on a porch drinking bourbon and waving all the little kids over to give them presents. Too funny!! Your hair was still red in my picture just so a know!!! lol

     
  • At 5:41 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Oh, Tommy Bailey, you come hang out with me. I'll introduce to plenty of seniors who enjoy the bourbon. And one 26-year-old *redhead.

    I'll probably give the kids water guns and whoopie cushions, I should think.

    K, Age ain't nothing but a number, but a little moisterizer never hurt anyone.

    Kirstin., I can see us together on the porch. I with my flaming red hair, a potbelly and bib overalls, and you still wearing stripper shoes, though your butterfly might be hanging a little bit lower. I love it!

     
  • At 6:43 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I have a sultry voice. It is wasted on me. I cannot talk dirty without sounding like a complete moron.

     
  • At 7:53 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    I like the word pussy in bed. I.Just. do.
    Pubic is much more harsh. I don't like the word too. I'm going to use my spa gift certificate soon for a braz. It's a new experience for me, I'm a little scared. I told Bat he could go with me, hold my hand, and whack off with the other while watching me on all 4s. When I get old I wanna drink tequila and watch porn with Bat.

     
  • At 8:05 PM , Blogger Jason said...

    I'm a fan of the the dirty talk -- to a degree. If I hear something that makes me think "My god that's filthy!" then the moment has probably been spoiled for me.

    As for feminine housekeeping, various levels of trim are nice, bald has its moments, and unruly is a case-by-case scenario.

     
  • At 10:05 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    No remember they have a procedure for that! The butterfly will always be flying high!!I forgot about the stripper shoes, god those things were uncomfortable, but thank god for great friends that run to the dollar store for slippers in the middle of their friends wedding reception!!!!

     
  • At 3:29 AM , Blogger Nosjunkie said...

    do pubes go grey too?

     
  • At 9:49 AM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    I maintain the opinion that if the man doesn't have to shave it all off, the woman shouldn't have to either.

    I've been getting the random grey hair on my head since I was 23. I tried to save the first one but I lost it. The others I've just pucked out. Every once in a while, I do have a nightmare that my hair has turned a hideous piss on snow shade of white.

     
  • At 10:24 AM , Blogger Valerie said...

    Mist, I have a kind of squeaky, girlish voice. Sometimes it just sounds wierd when I say, "Oh, gawd, I love your cock," but I can't help myself. It comes out all of the time, even when there are no cocks around. Slighly uncomfortable.

    You go, FC&F. I'll say again--Bat is one lucky dude.

    I'm glad you're open minded, Jas. There are no hard and fast rules for me either, other than sometimes I like it hard and fast. Gah, I crack myself up.

    Aw, Kirst, you'd do the same for me, assuming I ever get married.

    They do, Nos, isn't that a little bit sad? I don't know if they go totally gray, but most everyone gets some gray ones.

    HP! That golden gray is so yucky. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

     
  • At 8:06 PM , Blogger Jason said...

    Don't we all?

     
  • At 6:59 PM , Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

    I've had grey hair since I was 14. Well, I guess I assume that. At 14 I dyed it, and haven't really stopped since. But apparently, if I let it grow out, there is grey everywhere.

    None in my pubic area yet, though. Yippee!

     

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