123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

If I Were a Porn Star, I'd Be 'Community Chest'

I have a history of "showing my ass," as the ladies from Flavor of Love/Charm School like to say.

Usually it involves a lot of wine. Case in point: Sunday evening, A.J. was over and I somehow managed to drink nigh to two bottles of wine by myself.

See, my pretties, there are few things floating around in 123V's world that are causing some distress. It's not prudent or fair for me to tell you any details becuase they don't involve just me.

But, I can say that if you've got some spare prayers, and you could send them Megan Jane's way, that would be most appreciated. And maybe just a tiny request that the universe provide a little evidence for me (either way, Universe--I just want this settled) because I know it's hard for most people who are not named 123Valerie to accept my "gut reaction" as proof of anything.

In any case, the world is a flutter, and as is my custom, I tend to drink too much when things go awry. It's so much easier than dealing with problems, no?

Well, not when you're poor A.J. who must listen to me blather on and cry and say mean things in a tone thick with wine.

I woke up the next morning foggy, but rightfully sheepish. Do you know what the boy said? "It's okay. I took away some good points from what you said."

Well, I'll be. So handsome and a heart of gold, too. I guess it goes without saying that A.J. is NOT one of the things currently amiss.

We all get one Get Out of Jail Free Card, kids. Since I've done used mine up, and quite frankly I'm getting tired of so many turns around the board, I'm going to stop playing the game for a bit. Because at the end of the day, drinking too much is a lot like Monopoly money--having it makes you feel good in the moment, but as soon as the game is over, it's entirely worthless.

My pretties, 123Valerie is going to lay off the sauce for a good bit.

I know. Crazy, isn't it? By good bit, I just mean until Mist 1 comes up here to visit in early August or I stop thinking of drinking as my "go to" when things go bad, whatever comes first. It seems like a good idea to head off any problems at the pass.

It feels weird to write that and it makes me a little shaky, but you know, I owe it to myself and all those around me who suffer the brunt of my inability to cope.

In addition to much-needed clarity and rejuvination, A.J. and I are also on a tear to lose a few pounds--nothing crazy, 15 and 10 respectively. I figure the time I am not drinking, I can be doing crunches and squats.

But please, my pretties, let me know if I become one of the those people, okay?

If we can do it in two months, our reward will be a romantic getaway at the Eastern Shore's only legal nude beach: Gunnison Beach in Sandy Hook, New Jersey!

We're gonna be hanging our with our wang out and jamming out with our clam out with our new hot bods, ya dig?

Come on, ya'll--you know I wouldn't leave you on a heavy note. It's Tuesday, for Pete's sake.

In the Comments section, let us know if we can help you with anything.

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20 Comments:

  • At 9:53 AM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    I've been trying to slow down on the sauce myself (although not always so successfully). I hope this doesn't mean you won't come to activities that involve drinking. I mean, you can still hang, right?

    Just think of all the weight you'll lose sans booze.

     
  • At 10:05 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I'm not a fan of most sauces. Sure, I like a good nacho cheese dip as much as the next person, but I can usually pass on the side of ranch.

    Skipping the sauce and just drinking instead keeps me thin.

     
  • At 10:24 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    Definitely sending positive thoughts the way of both our beautiful Megan Jane and our fantastic you.

     
  • At 10:24 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    Of course, you're beautiful and she's fantastic, too. :)

     
  • At 12:18 PM , Blogger Akelamalu said...

    I know what you mean re the sauce. I've stopped drinking pints of lager, I've swapped them for Holstein Pils because there's no sugar in them, apparently it's all turned to alcohol. :)
    Good luck with the exercise instead of the sauce.

     
  • At 12:19 PM , Blogger Akelamalu said...

    PS Positive thoughts and Reiki to Megan Jane and whatever is ailing you honey.

     
  • At 12:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    What??? with a generous side of WHAT??????? topped with a dollop of WHAT>>>>> and for dessert....
    WHAT?? WHAT ??? WHAT???

    I INSIST THIS NONSENSE STOP, FOR I HAVE VISIONS OF LEMON DROPS DANCING IN MY HEAD. OR MAYBE THE LEMON DROPS HAVE ME DANCING ON MY HEAD...WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE, YOU BETTER BE BACK OFF THE WAGON WHEN YOU BRING YOUR HAPPY ASS UP HERE. :)

     
  • At 1:00 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    If I was a porn star, I would be Chin Chin Church.

     
  • At 1:07 PM , Blogger Spellbound said...

    I do have a bit of experience with alcohol issues but it's not my drug of choice. I wish I could do what my daughter does and exercise my troubles away, but then I think, "How in the hell did I have a child like that." I will keep you in my thoughts as well as MJ and maybe I can join you in August and finally meet both you and Mist1 IRL. Hope your world is sitting firmly back on its axis very soon. AJ sounds like a real treasure.

     
  • At 1:11 PM , Blogger lorelai236 said...

    Sending a baker's dozen good vibes your way
    Love, The Universe

    Ps. Thanks for the ass nomination. ;)

     
  • At 2:15 PM , Blogger Winter said...

    Nude beaches scare me.

     
  • At 5:53 PM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    So any chance AJ is coming home with you next month I would love to meet him!! Hope all is well with Megan soon!

     
  • At 8:35 PM , Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

    So, what size do you want your Betty Ford Clinic t-shirt?

     
  • At 5:39 AM , Blogger EsLocura said...

    I am not giving up sauces, but rum seems to be my "blankie" lately, maybe I should slow down but maybe not, sending love and positive stuff to Meagan Jane and you and saving a little for me.

     
  • At 4:33 PM , Blogger Kay said...

    Sending lots of good vibes and positive energy Megan Jane's way! (And yours, too.) I'll even throw in some rainbows and fuzzy bunnies for good measure.

     
  • At 12:52 PM , Anonymous Tinzi Mama said...

    I love the monopoly analogy! And hooray for good MJ news! :)

     
  • At 9:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I remember that one time when I thought that I would stop doing drugs for awhile.

    I promptly bought a case of Appleton Estate's aged rum, a flat of Pepsi and a case of limes and gave up drugs for about three weeks.

    Sometimes, it's good to take a break. Good for you for noticing. I never could until I started waking up in jails and other places and even then it took me a few more years to get clean.

    -grampa

     
  • At 1:47 PM , Blogger you'dneverguess said...

    Prayers for you and Megan Jane!
    And warm fuzzies and hugs and big cheers on your trimming up. You can do it!!
    It's so much more fun to be naked when you feel good about your body too.
    I've been jamming out with my clam out down at the river recently. So fun!! (There's no one else around though.)

     
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