123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Secrets Weren't Made for THIS Woman

My Mom, a very wise woman, once told me that if you are about to do something that you can't tell either your mother or your best friend about, then you shouldn't do it.

I think that's a pretty good test, don't you? Let's take the example of piercing your clit. You probably wouldn't tell your Mom, but you could tell your best friend, so Check. It's alright.

Taking up baton twirling lessons? Your friends might think it was lame, so you wouldn't want to tell them, but your Mom could definitely know: green light.

Killing a prostitute in the dead of night? Well, you can't tell your Mom, and you can't tell your best friend, so it's clearly a bad decision.

See, isn't this easy?

It's a bit more difficult for me since my Mom is dead (from cigarettes, kids. What? ... I'm just saying), but I simply run everything through the Megan Jane/Adelka Ann/Kirstin/Kristina Hotpants Best Friend Detector to get my answer.

Recently, I recieved a proposition for a meeting, but it had a lot of conditions. Namely, I couldn't tell anyone about it and I certainly couldn't blog about it.

So, I ran it through the Best Friend Detector:
Q: Secret meeting with M?

A: I can't tell anyone about it.

Well, I think ya'll know the answer by now. It's not in my nature to keep secrets, which is sometimes troublesome to me. I'm sorry M.

As consolation, here's a picture of my breasts, the mystery scratches and some whiskey, courtesy of Candy Sandwich, who made a valid point that in the last post, she won regardless because she's already seen my bosoms. So, she gets a big, ole hug instead

In the Comments Section, tell me how well you can or cannot keep secrets.


  • At 12:05 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I just wish I had secrets to keep... I'm stellar at secret keeping. I swear! I just need a little more secret-worthy action in my life. No word from the boy, by the way.

  • At 1:43 PM , Anonymous 123Valerie said...

    Well, K, that's good to know, but I'm in your boat, my dear. No secrets right now, I'm afraid.

    Probably best, me thinks. Looking forward to the par-tay ...

    Wait a second, wait a second--we'll have the Secret Santa! Woohoo, there's a secret! Albeit lame, but still.

  • At 2:11 PM , Blogger The CEO said...

    I have a government clearance. I have to keep secrets.

  • At 2:13 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    Wow, who's this M? (M: Sssshhhh, sometimes secrets are a good thing.) That sounds very "molestorial."

    I can't keep a damn secret to save my life. Ifn I killed a prostitute, everybody'd totally know about it. Naturally, it'd make a good blog post. Someday this blog is going to be used against me in a court of law.

    Nice breastses.

  • At 2:27 PM , Anonymous 123Valerie said...

    Jefe, that only underscores your intelligence and your loyalty, but secret-keeping is a skill I just was not bestowed. I can make chicken paprikash like a mother fucker, though.

    And Matty, don't you fret, kiddo. It's not you. You'd probably remember if you tried to set up a secret meeting with me. Altho, maybe not, given The Drink and The Pot. Molestorial is a good word.

    I really do have a nice rack. Always have--it makes up for my humpback.

  • At 3:46 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I can keep secrets. Unless, I am sworn to secrecy.

  • At 5:01 PM , Blogger Attention Whore said...

    I have a secret that I am BURSTING with, but alas, I too am sworn to secrecy (I guess that's why they call it a secret)
    Although, I did manage to utter it in a post-orgasmic haze...the fucker...he tricked me. Now I shall have to kill him. (which will be yet another secret...he isn't a prostitue though, or at least, I didn't pay him...oops)
    I stiffed him....hahahahahahaha...geez I'm a loser

  • At 7:23 PM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    I most certainly can keep a secret. I can't even say that without laughing!!!! I suppose if I really tried I could...so who is this Mr. M? Oh and i am not sure if I can talk at work? Everyone else does, but Iamthe new girl!!!

  • At 11:04 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    As a kid I couldn't keep a secret for all the candy at walmart but now I can keep a secret for years and years. Spill your beans sista!!

  • At 11:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Secrets. Hmmm. I like honesty. Cleansing, if you will. If you let it out, it doesn't stink as bad. You know, it.

  • At 11:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Oh, yeah, and V. Something we have in common. I once had scratches on my breasts like that and didn't know where they came from. I took a picture, too. Peace, G.

  • At 6:00 AM , Blogger Nosjunkie said...

    I can safely say that I will never tell a secret basically because noboddy trust me with them.

  • At 10:11 AM , Anonymous 123Valerie said...

    Mist, you are a rebellious little sprite, aren't you?

    AW, if you're spilling out secrets AFTER sex, I can only imagine what your pillow talk is like.

    Kirstin, you know LOTS of secrets about me, but I can always give you some on Bud if you need things to go a little easier at work.

    FC&F, they ain't my beans to spill. Speaking of beans and candy, I'm hungry.

    G-Love, that's crazy. I think it was a ghost. I really do. What a strange way to make a presence known, though, huh?

    Hey Nos! Well, at least everyone knows that you can't keep your trap shut. Everyone THINKS I'm a good secret keeper, but I'm not. I should wear a sign or something.

  • At 12:53 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    1-2-3, Valerie's on strike!

  • At 3:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Even crazier! V~ Mine had to be a spirit, too. It just had to be.


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