123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

May I Have a Hug, Please?

Hey Gang!

So, it's another Dead Mom Post. Ya'll, I am so sorry. I thought I could handle this, but the one-year anniversary of her death is on Monday, and know what? I'm a mess. Whoo. Complete mess. Crying. Spacing out. Wanting to pack it all in and move to the Galapagos Islands.

Sorry, kids. I wish I could be entertaining and light-hearted and zippy dippy right now, but I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I miss my Mom.

Thank you so much for your sweet comments, and yes, Jason, I particularly would like some hard and fast sex RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT. That doesn't seem to be likely, though, so I might take a day or two off from the blogging, okay? Mostly because the tears flopping on the keyboard could electrocute me, and my hair is frizzy enough.

On a happy note, Hey Pretty has had a lapse in judgment and decided to MIRL! Wheee! I'm going to try and turn it into a Thing. Ya know--lots of bloggers and my lovely, lovely friends, such as Barbara Jones. You should come. I hope you do--we'll miss you otherwise. Just give me a ring on the 123Valerie at gmail.com line if you want the details and you promise not to be a weirdo.

So, that's next week, and we are happy about that.

I just want to sleep. My sisters and I have been in constant contact.

"I'm sad today," I said to Susie.

"Me too. I'm going to go make a snow angel on Mom's grave," she replied.

I, um, haven't been to my Mom's grave yet. Since she died in January, they had to wait to bury her. When they did, I just plain old, flat out, did not want to go. I feel really poorly about that. I send her virtual flowers all of the time, but even when I've visited Ohio, I haven't wanted to go. However, the thought of my lovely sister making a lone snow angel on our dead Mom's grave broke my heart.

"I wish I could be there with you. You'd make a beautiful snow angel," I snuffled, shifting some snot around my head.

I miss my family, my pretties. I am lonely, but at the same time, I need to be completely solitary--it's my Acquarius rising. Still, I wish all of you were sitting in my living room watching Back To the Future with me and eating popcorn, in addition to leaving your very sweet and thoughtful comments from across the miles. I am so blessed to have so very many wonderful, loving people in my life. So. Very. Many. I wake up every day thankful for each and every one of you. Please know that.

But, I am sad. This is a fairly new emotion for me, and I am trying it on for size. Like a bikini that shows more of my boobs than I am used to, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but I just have to get used to it. Sad is not bad. Pretending I am not sad is bad.

Oh, pooh, 123V. So many people have horrible lives. I do not. I have a great life with amazing people in it. I am blessed, and I am lucky. But, I am sad.

Not to worry, kids. Alice and I have taken a hiatus, due to her holiday schedule, but we have a session next week. That is a good thing, I do believe. You are good things, too. Please don't die on me any time soon, okay?

In the Comments section, tell me how you've been lately. For Pete's sake, would you please change the subject?

Labels:

20 Comments:

  • At 11:16 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    I know you said you to be all by yourself if you nee to talk I am here. Even if you just need that long distance shoulder, ya know someone to listen to you while you cry I am here. I am thinking about you!!!!! if you hcange your mind and want company I can be there in 6 hours!!! i could only stay for like 3 hours but I would be there for a little while. We can be cry pants and depression drawers together!!!!
    I love You!!!!

     
  • At 7:41 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hi 123. It's G. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. if you need anything, call. My number should be in the DC page.
    Me, you ask? Just trying to find the wedding dress of my dreams. Too bad it's about $300 out of budget! I mean, I haven't even tried it on yet. But when I do, and if I like it, I think I am in trouble! ha! Life is good, Val. Tomorrow is always another day. PEACE and I am thinking of you.

     
  • At 8:29 AM , Anonymous Megan Jane said...

    I was just telling Jason last night how lonely I am, too. When did we all become such isolated people?
    I totally want to spend some more time with you, Val. I miss you. That is, if that is what you need.
    We need to sign up for a class together or something! How about the crystals class?
    Just say the word. You know I got your back, yo.
    ...and these New Kids on the Block videos are burning a whole through the back of my closet they are so HAAAAWT. I'm just sayin.'
    Love,
    Barbara Bridgett Jones, et al

     
  • At 8:31 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    That part about it being like a new bikini...yeah, that's pretty brilliant.

     
  • At 8:42 AM , Blogger Brokekid said...

  • At 9:52 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    Hey. When you're done with solitary, I'm here for you. I'll even repay you for all those drinks, if you want.

    It's okay to be sad. I mean that it sucks completely, but it's okay and it will get better.

    (Did you know that I randomly, unexpectedly met Hey, Pretty at the Capitol Lounge one dark and dreary night? She's awesome.)

     
  • At 9:59 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    Damn, Valerie. You're bringing down my high this morning. Okay, I forgot the instructions now. Am I invited to that thing too or are you sick of me already?

    I know how you feel....

     
  • At 10:01 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    I totally can't relate, though, Val. My Leo is rising.

     
  • At 12:13 PM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    Hi Kristin!

    Oh Val, it's totally cool to be sad. Perhaps a nice stolen bubble bath at a friend's house would do you good?

    And I can assure you that out of all the lapses of jugdment I've had in my day, this one is certain to be the least regrettable.

     
  • At 1:40 PM , Blogger Grampa said...

    1. I love big turtles.

    2. Call your Navy guy, explain the situation to him, tell him you need some hard and fast sex right now and that it would be in the best interests of the country if he did his civil duty.

     
  • At 2:05 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Kirstin, honey, thank you. I'd rather we meet up when I'm a little less snotty and a lot more fun.

    Glynntastic, thank you, love. I will do that. I say go for it with the dress. What's $300 to feel like a million bucks?


    Schmegan Jane Jones, you got the right stuff, baby. I love you.

    Thanks, Mist. I hear that my boobs are brilliant all of the time.

    I heart you, Scotty Boom Botty.

    Whee, drinks! Yay, K. I'm so psyched--I hope you can make it out.

    Sorry for harshing on your buzz, Matty. Actually, my dead Mom harshed on your buzz, so we're still cool. You better get your ass out of the house this weekend.

    Hey Hey Pretty, I think you're absolutely right. The nieghbors just redid their bathroom--do you think that would be awkward to ask?

    Hiya Gramps--such a good idea, but I think Navy Guy has lost interest. Can't say why for sure, other than some folks just don't dig my honesty and lack of game playing. Some kids like the drama, I think. Not me. I like sex. And tater tots.

     
  • At 2:56 PM , Blogger brinki dink said...

    sweet valerie, i'm thinking of you lovely girl. be sad as much as you want for as long as you want, there will be sun on the other side. i wish i was there to make pantry food with you...

     
  • At 3:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Val, it's T. i can relate from my experience. anniversaries are hard. i mean, every day it's hard, but on those days especially. This june will be 9 years for my mom, and while it's still hard, the 8-year anniversary was easier than the 7th, and the 7th easier than the sixth etc... Though I still think of her every day, some days a good memory makes me smile or laugh out loud instead of crying about it. I know you'll get to that point. Hang in there, mama. I love you!

     
  • At 8:43 AM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    Well I've been working at the new job.It's hard because everything is new. Everyone is being nice & sweet but you can tell they are all evil little demons behind those lying eyes.

    Feel better darlin'

     
  • At 7:02 PM , Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 7:04 PM , Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

    I'm sorry. Do you need someone to go buy you a toothbrush? I know where they sell them.

    If no: Egyptians used to brush their teeth with sticks. Or something. I kind of forget, but my cereal box told me something to this effect. You could try a stick.

     
  • At 8:29 PM , Blogger Starboard Tack said...

    I agree with you: it is perfectly acceptable to feel sad over your loss. It is a healty emotion...

     
  • At 12:25 AM , Blogger James Burnett said...

    123V, first I'm thinking good thoughts for you. I'm sorry for your loss. I love my dad dearly, but there's always something special about mom. So I feel your pain. Hang in there. Embrace the solitude you're craving right now, but also accept the solace your sisters offer when they reach out to you during this period.

    Second, in keeping with your request, I'm good! Mrs. B is starting to feel better. She's home from the hospital, popping vicodin, and chugging along. I even rented a wheel chair yesterday - 'cause she still can't walk more than about 20 feet without being in too much pain and tiring out - so I can take her to her favorite antique fair in our city. Thanks so much for coming by Burnettiquette and wishing us well. We needed that.

     
  • At 6:41 PM , Anonymous 123 said...

    B Dink I can't wait to make some pantry pancakes with you, lovely lady.

    T, my heart, I can't think of you without thinking of your Mom. Thank you for your kind words and your love across the years.

    FC&F, I'm sorry--new jobs are bitches. They'll come to lurve you like we all do.

    Hy Biscuits, that's so very sweet. Um, Oral B, soft--pink if they have it. :)

    Thanks, ST. The first emotion is usually the truest one.

    James Burnett, I'm so glad all is well, and for your hard work and devotion you get to look at antiques, you poor thing.

     
  • At 11:22 PM , Anonymous April said...

    Val,
    I'm always here if you need to talk!

     

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