123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Flaw-ri-dah or Busty

I never know how many pairs of underwear to pack for trips.

I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow. It's a work thing--a convention of investing celebrities. Jealous? I can tell.

I'll be back on Sunday, which by my calculation means I'll need 37 pairs of underpants. You never know when a hurricane or blizzard is going to strand you, and, really, in the midst of a natural disaster the last thing I want to worry about is having enough skivvies.

Speaking of undergarments, I learned the hard way during my last excursion that it's best to wear something underneath suit coats, cause those TSA bad boys will make you disrobe.

"Jacket off, too, miss," a salty TSA agent sighed, then scowled at me. His name was Robbie and he smelled like Gouda.

"I don't have anything on underneath," I protested.

"Not my problem," he countered.

I got three buttons undone before he realized I wasn't kidding. Just me and my Maidenform,

"Okay, okay, that's enough. Geez," he said, like it was my fault. I mean, they're only boobs, for crying out loud. I understand he probably doesn't see a lot of them outside of Cinemax, what with living in his Mom's basement and making it to the 13 millionth level in War of Warcraft (or WOW to those of you sadly in the know), but he needn't have been scared. My girls have healed people.

As usual, I've gotten off track and deviated to my boobs.

I love trips, and, actually, despite this trade show having the kewl factor of a combo Rennessaince fair and Trekkie convention, my tendency to be easily amused ensures I will dig the room service and 14 hotel pillows ALL FOR ME. Even if it means presentations on hedge funds, incessant questions from blue hairs and constant notes to myself that it is not acceptable to suggest to the company president that we have ourselves a Red Headed Slut before dinner so we can "chill."

I am bummed that I will be about three hours away from the great James Burnett, but we have already slated a MIRL for the sweet, sweet summertime to do our part for geographic connectedness and the bourbon industry. We might even let Matty come.

Let me know if any of you want to show me some Florida love while I'm there. And I do mean show. I hear there's a mouse or something nearby that I should meet, but I've found the happiest place on Earth can easily be a hotel bed with a bellhop named Rico.

I'm just saying.

In the Comments section, tell me what you like best about hotels.

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22 Comments:

  • At 9:05 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

    So, as a former "exhibit slut" for my association, I had the pleasure of traveling lots and lots. In my experience, rich business men hang out in hotel bars at odd hours. They have lots of spare money and use it freely, particularly in the purchase of drinks for fine ladies like yourself. Best part, you can drink and run away to the obscurity of the hotel without any sort of obligated rendezvous.

    I have so many favorite parts of hotels (service hallways especially), but the big warm beds, really good showers, and hot rich men are on top. Pun intended.

     
  • At 9:23 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I believe he said "Jack it off ma'am," not, jacket off.

    The first thing that I do in a hotel is jump on my bed. Then, I go to the bar.

     
  • At 9:39 AM , Blogger EJ Takes Life said...

    My favorite thing about hotels is pilfering pretty much anything that isn't nailed down. There's the obvious shampoo and sewing kit, of course, but did you know that Le Parker Meridian in New York has free shot glasses in every room? And that the Marriot Marquis has very chic, huge black umbrellas?

     
  • At 9:48 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    Val, you should be flattered that James and I would let you hang out w/ us. :)

     
  • At 10:05 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    As if.

     
  • At 11:14 AM , Blogger Lee said...

    I would like to meet the "articulate" James Burnett too.

    As for hotels, I love taking hour long showers...if it's a good shower that is.

     
  • At 11:57 AM , Blogger you'dneverguess said...

    On a business trip to Minneapolis several years ago, a couple of other girls and I hung out with some of the older men, presidents of insurance agencies. Like Lisa said, money to burn on ladies and liquor. Anyway, they took us via limo to Sheiks, I think that was the name, a strip club. We sat in the VIP section, they bought drinks all night, bought me and another girl a lap dance, and I felt my first fake boobs. Fantastic evening. Husband was just jealous he wasn't there.

    My favorite thing about hotels has gotta be room service and neverending clean towels that I don't have to wash.

     
  • At 12:38 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I don't much like hotels. Too impersonal and the bars are depressing, unless it's a Kimpton hotel and then the bars are yummy with a fabulous wine happy hour daily.

     
  • At 7:41 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    Oh you poor thing having to go to Florida in the dead of winter. I just feel sooooo bad for you!!! lol can you feel the jealousy in my comment. I wish I was going to Florida. I lloked at tickets but being as I have a adult job now I can 't just take off when ever I want. Imagine making me wait a whole year for a vacation. The nerve!!!!

     
  • At 8:43 PM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    I came this close to going to Orlando this week on bidness, but I wasn't chosen to represent, alas. On the one hand, this is good b/c trade shows blooooow (and not in the good way). On the other, some warm sunshine would have been nice.

     
  • At 8:51 PM , Blogger brinki dink said...

    Individually packaged Q-tips!

     
  • At 9:23 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    L, I kind of a have a big ole crush on one of the dudes who works with us. Problem is--he's married and I like to be on top.

    Doh, Mist. You're so right. Poor thing, he needed a hand, too.

    EJ, I feel blessed to stay in a Motel 8, my dear. I'm just happy there's toilet paper sometimes. The place we're in, tho, is pretty swanky. No skanky, thank goodness.

    Whatevs, Matterhorn. You better recognize, foo.

    Leester, you ARE close by, aren't you? How fun would that be? I'm totally for it!

    Tres Shieks, Guess! What a good story. I'm one step below hanging out with insurance guys, so maybe they'll take us to some really gnarly biker strip bars.

    Kimpton, K? Is that like Martha Plimpton? I like her. 200 Cigarettes is an awesome movie, as is The Goonies.

    My lovely Kirstin, I thought of you the whole way down. You, me and your butterfly could tear some shit up down here. In a good,clean, respectable way, of course.

    Aw, HP--what fun we could have had. No need for drunk e-mailing mistakes, just drunken mistakes, period.

    B Dink, they have some nice amenities here, lady. Q-tips. Mouthwash. Shower Caps. Bottled water. I'm in individually-wrapped heaven.

     
  • At 10:05 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    I think I'm older than all y'all...hope you don't discriminate against old ladies!

     
  • At 10:14 PM , Blogger Flat Coke and Flies said...

    Have fun in Flaw-ri-DUH but if you happen to have a stop over at BNA (airport) you know I'm only 2 miles away. SO MIRL!!!

    I'm a bit disappointed you kept your jacket on when the TSA agent asked you to take it off. I would have INSISTED taking it off since he INSISTED on being a smart ass.

    Then again you might not be allowed in the airport again.

     
  • At 10:58 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Lee, are you kidding me? Matty told me just the other day who much he really likes mature women. And I think you know what I mean.

    We might have to take ourselves a little detour on the way home, FC&F. Wait. Terrorism spies--i didn't mean that. The flight will go EXACTLY as planned, and I'll just drive over.

     
  • At 1:47 AM , Blogger James Burnett said...

    Have fun in crazy-assed Florida. I carry a gun now. At least I think that's a gun.

     
  • At 7:55 AM , Blogger Lee said...

    Great! I'll bring my walker then.

     
  • At 12:25 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    Good Clean and Respectable really are not the words that come to mind when you and i get together!!!!! However, party like its 1999 does!!Okay maybe that's not teh right song at the moment "take your shirt off and swing it 'round your head like a helicopter" comes to mind! I had forgot about that!!!!Not the shirtless Austrailian wanker, just the sound.

     
  • At 12:27 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    **song** not sound!! Geez, no wonder I can't get any work done my brain is not working at all.

     
  • At 10:12 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    James Burnett, did you start carrying the gun because I came down? All you need to disarm me is mean comment about my hair or something.

    Lee Baby, can you get us a primo parking spot, too?

    Kirst, OMG. North Carolina, take your shirt off. Twist 'round your head like a helicopter. Oh, good God, I am too tired to properly do it, but FYI, I did just take my shirt off.

     
  • At 1:16 PM , Blogger feathered lawn said...

    thanks a lot, V. I burst out laughing at the undressing in the airport part at work and everyone looked at me funny... i'm still giggling because that just seems like something dirty i'd do just for the fun of it.

    i saw a documentary on hidden cameras in hotel rooms, or maybe it was on the news once, don't remember. but ever since then, whenever i'm in a hotel, i like to take showers that really give them their money's worth. at least i entertain myself....

     
  • At 11:14 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Ooh la la, Feathered. I'd be your travel buddy just for those perks.

     

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