123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Foiled Again

So, I am suffering from what I believe doctors call a broken heart.

I must have committed some major transgressions against the universe because she is not happy with me.

A.J. called, said he was a bit of a mess. Seems he met a girl just days before me. He went out with me never expecting he'd find us both so alluring.

"Alluring? Well, thank you very much. I like compliments. You're not so bad yourse ... Wait a minute. Another girl?"

Oh no. Here it comes. Watch out--it's the other shoe dropping. And it stepped right on my poor heart.

He's such an amazing man that he can't juggle two girls--doesn't even want to try. He's a one-woman kind of guy. Says it's not fair to anyone, so he came clean, because he wants to give his attention and affections to one girl. That means somebody's got to get to steppin'. She got there first. I'll give you two guesses as to who is getting the boot.

My heart hurts, honestly and sincerely. It aches when I breathe. I've been disappointed before, of course, but I always knew it was coming. This is far, far worse. I had settled into the idea of finally-you're-27-years-old-for-crying-out-loud-it's-time-to-fall-in-love-Val. But, seems the universe has other ideas.

I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it, too. "But, you just met him. Surely you can't be all that upset."

I can't explain it, my pretties. I'm chalking this up to the same mystery reason why I'm scared of Don Knotts. It makes no sense. Yet, it's there.

Well, let's lift our glasses to the happy couple, shall we? They deserve a solid start and maybe karma will quit kicking my ass if I can muster up some good wishes for them. I hope this other girl realizes just how blessed she is.

For now, the broken heart/lonely/you're making a dire mistake because I'm the best there is songs are pouring from me. And, the girls and I are heading out for Cinco de Mayo. I've already told them to expect little from me. I don't even want to drink. Now you know I'm in sad shape.

Well, hey, on the upside, we got some great photos last night.

In the Comments section, give me your best cure for a broken heart.



  • At 5:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    awwwwww, he really does suck. He met someone else, necked with you ( i know, dated word) then waited a couple days to come clean??? He is not a one woman at a time good guy. If he were, he would not have taken you out while pining for the other. He's a shit. Go out, get drunk, flirt a whole bunch, say no to all of them and go home. You'll feel much better in the morning.

  • At 6:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'm ridiculously in love with the idea of love (the reality of it doesn't much impress me), so I understand falling too hard too quickly, but just remember that it will be just as easy to fall hard the next time, too.

    Best cure for a broken heart: Substance abuse... That's the only [albeit ethically defective] advice I can offer...


  • At 6:55 PM , Blogger EsLocura said...

    No hay mal que por bien no venga. Apparently the stars have bigger and better things for you. (bigger and better is ooohh so good.) best cure, I haven't a f**king idea, but booze helps for a little while.

  • At 7:40 PM , Blogger Senor Caiman said...


    At least your parents have money.

    Some of the best things that happen in life are the things that didn't work out.

    Great pictures, I hope you didn't fall.

    I'll keep the wok in a safe place.

  • At 8:30 PM , Anonymous itsallgood said...


    I forget to say something to cheer you up. Don Knotts is dead and he went to high school in Youngstown Ohio. A town that is now all black so don't go there to see his High School.

    I would suggest renting the Incredible Mr Limpet. Lady Fish fell in love with a fish with glasses. I don't recommend falling in love with a fish that wears glasses though.

  • At 8:44 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    I noticed the last comment on your last post from Naomi. No offense, but what kinda special asshole has his best girlfriend get onto your blog to read your heartfelt meanderings and then comment publicly? Could she not have sent you an email?

    What. The. Fuck.


  • At 8:49 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    And BTW, what a pretty, pretty girl you are!

  • At 1:33 AM , Blogger repsac3 said...

    Came back to visit your blog.

    I'm with lee... ...in both posts.

    That comment from naomi is more than a little weird, and your pictures match your singing voice (or perhaps it's the other way 'round). Sweet, sweet, no matter how you slice it.

    Time is the only sure cure... but gettin' out & doing the stuff that you most enjoy don't hurt none... Be it shoppin', prayin', playin 'music, or drinkin', do a little extra (but just a little, especially if it's that last one), on account of feelin' bad... You deserve it.

  • At 8:10 AM , Blogger Akelamalu said...

    Aw Val, what can I say apart from it's his loss.

    Moving on is the only cure for a broken heart. Mr. Right is out there somewhere, it's a pity it wasn't Him.

  • At 8:15 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    Wow, you're so mad at me you didn't even mention that's my goddamn rug there.

    If it makes you feel any better, Valerie, you're handling things better than you used to. At least you didn't sleep with this dude right before he dumped you. You're learning.

    Also, Meghan really captured your beauty with those photos. You look great.

  • At 8:21 AM , Blogger Spellbound said...

    I'm so sorry you're hurting. My cure was always to get right back out there and kiss a few more frogs, and don't waste too much time regretting the ones that hop away.

  • At 8:55 AM , Blogger lorelai236 said...

    "Scuse me, you look totally hot in those pictures. That guy's a poop who needs glasses!!

  • At 9:07 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    Yes, you look great. The last one, i think, is your debut album cover.

  • At 3:36 PM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. I recently saw Taylor Swift (country newcomer) open a concert. She introduced a song by saying "I had a boyfriend who wasn't very nice to me. And, well, that was stupid because I write song, and this one is about him."

    I say, write it out, and when you're rich and famous, tell everyone.

  • At 5:02 PM , Blogger James Burnett said...

    best cure for a broken heart is weed and a lot of booze.

    part of me says he's an honorable guy ('cause i've done the same thing). part of me says he's taking the wusses way out. part of me says if you really feel strongly about him, state your case and tell him: "what the hell? you met us both within days of the other. this isn't applebees or your neighborhood bar where it's first come, first serve. you like me? then i want my fair shot at winning this contest." and if he still hems and haws after that, kick him in the balls and walk away.

  • At 9:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Don't ya hate it when this happens? Have you found a cure yet? I hope 'ritas and Mexican food were invovled...and maybe lusting at Oscar de la Hoya over the weekend. If not come lust after me on my blog...that should help a little bit.

  • At 10:55 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    Aw, Pool. He's actually a very good guy. That's why this is situation is such a "shit." I felt a little improved, but not well.

    Minty, my dear, it seems that the idea is all I ever get anyway, so maybe I should change my thinking. Ethically Defective is a good name for a band.

    EsL, you always know just what to say to make me feel better.

    Senor, I'm a little frightened about how right on you were with the two-handed face grabbing vs. the one-handed face grabbing. What's your secret? Oh, hey, I graduated from a school in Youngstown, Ohio. Heh. I had no idea that's where D.K. came from.

    Lee Baby, I'm certain it was with the best of intentions. She was really very sweet and concerned. Thank you, pretty mama. And we didn't even highlight my breasts.

    repsac3, everything in moderation for sure. Especially heartbreak.

    Akelamalu, thanks my dear. My only worry is that it's actually my loss, too.

    Mattress, thank you. I think. It is a glorious rug. Good for sexin'. Not that I would know.

    Spell, that's always good advice. Yet and still, I'm going to take a little time off, I think. Between the married ones and the gay ones and the ones who get away, my heart's a little bruised.

    Lovely Lorelai, YOU look great. Among many other things, thanks for getting me plowed on maragaritas.

    WG, I finished a couple songs today. Three guesses as to what the subject matter was.

    James Burnett, for the record, I don't think he did anything wrong. I appreciate his honesty because he could have easily gotten away with juggling us both. But, it's just one of those unfortunate situations where timing is the culprit. The only thing to say is: Motherfucker. Shit. Shit. Shit.

    FC&F, I could be dead and I would still lust after you. No worries, doll.

  • At 12:28 AM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I believe in preventative medicine. My fear of commitment I find keeps heart break away.

  • At 10:07 AM , Blogger Lee said...

    I'm with Mist. Blogging is the closest I get to commitment these days. Hope you're feeling better soon.

  • At 10:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Well, it's his loss in my opinion. Look at it this way, it may not be the the universe is upset with you rather, she was protecting you??? Perhaps this guy wasn't Mr. Wonderful and you are better off. I know that doesn't help right now, but it's a stretch at optimism. Go get a new vibrator. You'll feel better.

  • At 11:45 AM , Blogger Winter said...

    Damn those Jews. Listen for whatever it's worth love is crap.

    But on the brighter side you look really beautiful in your pictures, and you'll probably get some really good songs out of this.

  • At 5:06 PM , Blogger Love Monkey said...

    Take to your bed. Make sure you have wine, ice cream and the remote control. Cry a lot or a little - it's up to you. Have the cordless phone nearby but don't feel you have to use it or answer it. Write bad poetry. LIsten to sad songs. COmpletely immerse in misery until you can't do it anymore. Then take a shower, get dressed and make your bed.

  • At 6:45 PM , Blogger Attention Whore said...

    Insert copious amounts of alcohol, garner many many hugs from real life friends and always listen to internet friends when they tell you - HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH...and that someday there will be a non-gay, non-virgin, non-asshole that will suddenly pop into your life...or perhaps he's in your life already, you just don't see him that way yet.

  • At 7:12 PM , Blogger Senor Caiman said...


    I'm sorry that I was right.

    I'm sometimes wrong though. I was thinking of Joe Flynn of McHale's Navy not Don Knotts. I knew both of them, both nice guys.

  • At 8:20 PM , Blogger Krazee Eyez Killa said...

    Sorry, baby girl. If you ever need a real man, you know where to find Krazee Eyez Killa.



  • At 9:31 PM , Blogger Jon said...

    If it's any consolation, I'm broken hearted too these days. I agree with Winter: love is crap.

    Any time you want to MIRL for a drink, you just let me know...

  • At 9:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    let it go, if it comes back then call me, i'll hit you with a baseball bat, it will hurt just as much but at least the pain won't last as long. in other words - one down and a whole lot more to go.


  • At 9:53 AM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    I hope the margaritas and free tequilla shot helped a little.

    As for the photos, I like the last one the best...

  • At 1:23 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    I know Mist, but it just didn't seem prudent here. I was freakishly comfortable with committing.

    Lee Baby, there's so much good going on, I already feel better.

    Pookie Pants, I turn to grocery shopping in times of sadness, so a hand mixer is the closest I could find at the Safeway.

    Winter, thanks, love. The poor Jews get blamed for everything.

    Luv Monkey, I actually ate some Chunky Monkey in your honor.

    AW, maybe a trip to Canada is what I need. I hear they have fully-nude strip clubs up there ...

    Senor, it's quite alright. I now know to come to you for counsel.

    KEK, I like it when people call me "baby girl." Thank you.

    Jon, I tried--I'm gonna hold you to that, my man.

    MadMartigan, I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm going to keep your # on speed dial.

    Kate, free tequila could bring about world peace. Thanks doll, and may I say you were looking particularly fetching that night.

  • At 3:19 PM , Blogger Woodrow said...

    What a dickfor.


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