123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Jerry's Subs and Pizza: 1; 123Valerie: 0

It's a hard lesson to learn, but sometimes 12 inches is just too much.

Burf. The Beast and I just tangled. That bitch fights dirty--all teeth and nails.

So, hey. My intestines not-with-standing, I'm having an internal battle. I have a friend. He got fired from a job in less than flattering circumstances of his own doing. He's a bit of a mess and unlikely to get it together any time soon. He wants to borrow money.

For once in my life, I'm in a position to give some. And I'm fully aware it's a gift. Despite his assurances to the contrary, I know I'm not getting it back. My issue is not that he asked or in the giving or even the non-repayment. Money's only good for the good it can do.

But, I know it's not going to be used to buy a new interview suit or to keep the electric going or even for cable TV. His Mom will take care of that. But his family has learned not to give him cash because it will be spent on cigarettes and beer, two things that will decidedly NOT help him get back on his feet.

Now, the beer I can concede, but the cigarettes--well that's a whole 'nother messy story.

In the Comments section, tell me what you think I should do.



  • At 3:17 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    You got me with "The Beast" link. I spurted a bit-o-wine thru my nose. You say, "But Lee Baby, its only 4:11! What are you thinking drinking so early?"

    Lee Baby replies, "Pi-shaw! 4:11 is a perfectly respectable time to start drinkin. Now, 11:30 am, when I actually started might be questionable."

    I lent a buncha money to a friend once to pay his mortgage, but instead he bought a lotta drinks and cigs. I tried to be big, but it aggravated the hell outta me everytime I chose to conserve and I knew he was out driving up a bar tab. I'm not a big person.

  • At 3:22 PM , Blogger James Burnett said...

    This is a tough one. I'd tell him you're giving him the loot unconditionally, but if he really cares about your respect, etc., that he'll do the right thing with it. Maybe the guilt trip will work? Probably not.

  • At 3:38 PM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    Well I gotta say you are def a bigger person than me. We established that earlier when I said don't give him the money! You have such a big heart and I know that you just want to help him. My only question is when does the help turn into hurt? He is a big "boy". I mean how old is he? I used to get bailed out of every situation I got into. I actually had the nerve to call my dad and cry to him that they repossessed my car becuacse I didn't make the payments. My dad had given me the money for months and I had a grand ole time with that money. That was the last time my dad or anyone else for that matter gave me money. I HAD to fend for myself. I was forced into realizing there were reactions to my actions.Now I understand he and I are pretty diffrent. But it comes down to the fact that at some point you have got to take responsibilty for your own actions. Are you really helping him or are you enabling him to continue the lifestyle of depending on other people to fix his mistakes? i really don't mean to sound preachy!!!! I just hate to see you give your hard earned money away for something you know is just going to upset you !!!
    If I come up with any better ideas than the one this afternoon, I will call you!

  • At 3:58 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    If you're not comfortable with how he's going to spend it, then don't do it. Trust me. I know of the money lending/giving between friends and family. Only do it if you can forget that you're paying for things you don't like.

  • At 4:53 PM , Blogger Winter said...

    Go shopping with it and then show him the things you bought with all that money.


  • At 5:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Instead of lending him money, take him out for a few drinks. Let him know your just not in a position to give like that right now.

    That is one big sub.

  • At 5:49 PM , Blogger EsLocura said...

    there comes a time when we must all be held acountable for our actions. cause and effect, not a pretty lesson but a very important one in life. How will the cash help him? when does he accept responsibilities for his actions? will you be pissed when you realize that it's the same old shit? inquiring minds ... uno dos tres, you are such a groovy persona. besos

  • At 5:51 PM , Blogger you'dneverguess said...

    Val, I say absolutely not. Husband and I have been in basically the same situation, giving money to people or supporting them financially, more or less the same. If you want to remain friends with this person, don't do it. You'll end up, probably, feeling resentful and disappointed to the point that your friendship will suffer. If, on the other hand, you don't care about the friendship or getting the money back, and you feel compelled to do it, do it.
    Love ya, baby!

  • At 6:55 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    Don't do it. How sad that he asked you to borrow money.

    On Monday, I'll try to actually get some work done so they don't fire me and I never meet such fallen circumstances. That's so pathetic....

  • At 7:20 PM , Blogger Senor Caiman said...


    Do you have Jersey Mikes. Oh man the #13 Mike's Way. I get special treatment at my Jersey Mike's.

    Guys that ask for money are losers. He will eventually end up in jail and the blacks will rape him so it's not all bad.

  • At 8:26 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I never lend anyone more money than I would feel comfortable flushing down my toilet.

  • At 5:07 AM , Blogger Akelamalu said...

    A difficult one!

    You obviously want to help him. If he's asking to borrow it to get a new suit - take him shopping and buy the suit. If he doesn't like that idea say sorry no can do.

  • At 8:22 AM , Blogger Spellbound said...

    Even if you have the disposable income it's not wise to give money to a friend to piss away. You can see that everyone here has a story about how that didn't work so well. If his parents are helping him with the big things he can get a part time job most anywhere that will pay for his vices while he looks for a permanent position. Give him 10 bucks and ask him if he'd like fries with that.

  • At 8:59 AM , Blogger Kayla said...

    Definitely DO NOT give the money. If you want to take friend out for drinks (to keep the friends social life going or to drown the friends sorrows) - that's one thing...but to give the friend money so that they can maintain the lifestyle to which they have grown accustomed - that is something else.

  • At 11:35 AM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    It's Matty, isn't it? Just kidding.

    If you give him the money, you have to let go of any control of how he's going to spend it. If you can't be okay with that, don't do it.

    I wouldn't do it. But hey, I'm selfish and I want a flat-screen.

  • At 3:02 PM , Blogger Grampa said...

    No. Don't loan him the money. Let him realize that actions have consequences. If people keep bailing him out, he'll never learn how to take care of himself.

    Short answer - fuck 'em.

  • At 9:04 AM , Blogger Woodrow said...

    I'm likin' the tunes.

    There's a proverb I can't remember about friends and loans.


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