Psychic Connection and 'Chubbies'

So, my life's been kind of turned upside down lately. It's gotten so screwball that I actually called a psychic last night.

Yes. I'm not kidding. Reverend Keith. He said, "Yeah, even your spirit guides are giving me a 'What the fuck?' sort of vibe."

"I know," I said.

There's not much else to say. It's been a tumultuous couple of days. For the $70 I spent for 20 minutes with Reverend Keith, I got some illumination and peace of mind. And fashion tips. He said I should wear more red.

Apparently, what I'm wearing has been on the mind of another guy, too. I looked at an apartment recently that I adored and could even afford. Sort of. The landlord seemed like a nice enough fellow. I wrote him an e-mail to let him know I was interested in the place but needed to look at a few more options.

Here's what I got back in reply:

"Frankly I consider you a desirable tenant. Especially if you dress everyday as you did to see the apartment ! I still can’t get the picture of your sumptuous décolletage out of my mind ! I was fighting off a chubby the whole time I was trying to walk around and show you the apartments. When you fist came in, I was pleased to meet you, but it was even more exciting to see that you were even more excited to meet me ! I’ll tell you what is prudent; me fighting off the urge to ravage your bod then and there, as your erect nipples were poking thru your top enticing and inviting. Just in case you were wondering, your breasts and nipples look fantastic, but you probably already knew that. Thank you for displaying them. How could you be a pain with a look like that ? (If this is more info then you needed to know, or offense taken to, that is not intended, I apologize. I figure anyone who dresses like that can handle the “feedback” It is intended as a compliment.)"

'Scuse me while I hork a little bit.

(By the way, I was wearing a tank top and a jacket, my pretties. What the fuck?)

Note to all of you landlords out there: Complimenting a woman's nipples does not entice her to move into your place. Now, if he'd have written an ode to my ass ...

Lost, kids. Just plain lost and disheartened.

In the comments section, tell me if you've ever called a physic and/or recieved a dirty letter for a landlord -- current, potential or former.