123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

I don't know if you know it, but I'm kind of hot shit.

I have one specific, patented* 123V pick-up move that has earned me the right to say that. I pretend I'm a reporter and tell (historically) guys that I need to ask them a few questions for a piece on which I'm working (women don't tend to fall for the bullshit).

There's nothing better than abusing journalistic freedom to ask a dude anything and everything I want.

"So, what's your take on foreplay? How important is knowing that your woman is satisfied to you?"

"Of what are you most afraid?"

"Tell me the worst thing you've ever done."

While this tactic has worked well to help me weed out guys in the past, I used this strategy to its greatest success circa 2003 when there was a musician whom I wanted to get to know. Suffice it to say that I got to know him really well.

He wasn't circumcised.

When he inquired later about the status of my article, I truthfully said that the publication I claimed to represent wasn't sure if it was able to run the piece. Of course it wasn't sure; it didn't know I was operating out in the field on its behalf.

Sneaky? Yes. Deceitful? Oh, hell yes. Worth it? You betta believe it.

Do you think a dude has ever regretted lying to a woman about how much money he makes, how much he "loves" her or how he can help her further her career?

I don't think so, either.

In the Comments section, tell me the best pick-up line you ever ran.

*just waiting on the paperwork to finalize

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11 Comments:

  • At 9:10 AM , Blogger country roads said...

    I need to practice my lines. So far, using the ones I get from Quagmire aren't working out.

     
  • At 9:40 AM , Blogger Woodrow said...

    I don't have any.

     
  • At 10:18 AM , Blogger pistols at dawn said...

    [at a concierto de rock] "Well, it's been lovely being forced up against you." We then went downstairs and made out until we realized I was dating her friend at the time. Bad luck.

     
  • At 11:29 AM , Blogger Akelamalu said...

    What's a pickup line? :(

     
  • At 11:46 AM , Anonymous Franki said...

    Hmmm...I kinda just go, "You're hot. We should have sex."

    Usually works fine until the morning when my beer goggles have fallen off.

     
  • At 3:31 PM , Blogger Nina said...

    I do not know how to talk to men unless they talk to me first. I am going to try your strategy.

     
  • At 6:06 PM , Blogger brinki dink said...

    Ahoy! Permission to come aboard?

     
  • At 8:14 PM , Blogger lorelai236 said...

    Your lines work 'cause you're hot. :)

     
  • At 11:16 PM , Blogger amber. said...

    I have found that donning a British accent makes me automatically interesting. And because Americans are clueless about how bad my accent is, it works LIKE A CHARM.

    A bloody charm.

    Oh, bugger.

     
  • At 11:49 AM , Blogger Deirdre said...

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 12:06 PM , Blogger Deirdre said...

    Do you like football?
    Do you like baseball?
    Do you want to f*ck?

    Works every time.

     

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