123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

A Freaky-Deaky Sneeky Peeky

To continue with yesterday's theme, I am weird. Or at least do weird things. Behold:

2. I am a thrice certified Subway sandwich artist. In high school, I was a star employee who knew the correct ounces of lettuce per foot long (2), the appropriate amount of mayo (two lines, unless the "guest" requested more), and the exact number of pepperoni slices on the BMT (6). You can laugh, but I looked damn good in that visor.

3. I wear a sleep mask. Mine is pink and matches my poodle, Fifi, and the bon bons I keep beside me in bed.

4. I have a deep and troubling fear of escalators.

5. I just ate a whole box of Girl Scout Tagalongs. If you knew me in real life, you would understand how weird this truly is.

6. My first serious high-school boyfriend's name was B.J., which stood for Baby James. Literally. On his birth certificate. We lived in North Carolina--that may help explain it.

7. I don't really like babies. Kids are great because you can reason with them, but babies just piss me off a little bit, what with their unfocused eyes and aloof attitude. Look at me when I'm talking to you!

8. I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.

9. I read the Baby Sitter's Club #24: Claudia and the Sad Good-bye last week. Those girls are so resourceful.

10. My great-grandmother ran a brothel in Cleveland. Swear to Pete--I come from a long, proud line.

Tag! You're it Average Jane, EJ Takes Life, Es Locura, Hyacinth and Biscuits, Janee, Starboard Tack and You'd Never Guess.

In the Comments section, tell me if you're feeling out of sorts today. I'm just a schwee bit off kilter. I think it was the Tagalongs.

13 Comments:

  • At 11:45 AM , Blogger uhavegot2bkidn said...

    I am so jealous of the brothel...next thing you're gonna tell me is you're also somehow related to Dolly Parton and was an extra in the movie 'Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'...damn!

     
  • At 11:52 AM , Blogger Matt said...

    Hmmm, I know a thing or two about brothels. I'd love to compare notes w/ her!

    Baby James? The south is weird to me. In Vermont, there were a lot of boys and girls named Travis and Tiffany.

     
  • At 11:54 AM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    I HATE down escaltors. Last week the hem of my perfect new black pants got caught in the escaltor as I was riding down, playing out all the scenarious in which I might die on the escaltor. I mean, there I was thinking about dying on the escaltor when--crunch, it got hungry and developed a hankering for a banana republic trousers. Very scary. And to make matters worse, the dry cleaners don't think they can revive the pants. Stupid escaltors.

    I'm actually feeling rather in sorts today. I took initiative at work and have been all sorts of productive. This means the universe is probably off.

     
  • At 12:02 PM , Blogger Attention Whore said...

    Out of sorts? Putting it midly my dear Val. I am sitting on the cusp of either stage triumph or complete and utter humiliation. Makes for a queasy stomach and I didn't even eat any Tagalogs (and being Canadian I have no freaking idea what they are anyway)

     
  • At 12:04 PM , Blogger Lee said...

    I've got sleep gloves...for some reason I always wake up with only the left one still on.

    When I used to bartend at Outback, a regular couple were named Bob-n-B.J.

    A girl can't make this stuff up.

     
  • At 3:40 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I am afraid of the down escalator.

     
  • At 4:24 PM , Blogger Brokekid said...

    Totally feeling out of it today, not sure if it was the "late" night last night or the fact that it's two days before the First Quarter moon (I looked it up)? I need a nap.

     
  • At 4:46 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    Kidn, only my boobs are related to Dolly. It's a gift. Actually, they're not THAT big, but sometimes I like to dress them up with wigs and false eyelashes.

    Mattress, she wasn't Asian so it may be apples and oranges.

    Thank you, Kate. It's not just me, is it? Also revolving doors make me queasy. Look at you being all productive and what not.


    AW, you and your vagina (monologue) are going to kick ass. Er, poon tang. You're going to kick massive amounts of poon tang.


    Lee Baby, I like the sleep socks, but same thing with me. There are two girls that I used to work with, one was Nam and one was Bonnie. So, we'd say their names real quick like, and it was funny: Nam and Bonnie! Try it!

    Mist 1, that's because you are smart, my dear. They are wily.


    Scotty, that was sooooooo weird last night, no? To run into you. I must have known subsconciously. I am totally at the next one. Definitely the moon.

     
  • At 8:58 PM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    Funny, growing up, I was the only Tiffany, and there were lots of Stephanies.

    I am inherently uncomfortable on escelators if I'm wearing sneakers because the laces could get caught and that thing could rip off my foot. Other shoes? No problem.

     
  • At 10:09 PM , Anonymous Kirstin said...

    I am with you wanderinggirl. The laces freak me out on an escalator. I think I have since passed my fear to my child. Oh my poor kid, I would do so many things diffrently if given the chance. Like not freak out at the end of an escalator if his shoe laces were loose.lol I am a bit out of sorts today, or I was. I just had a very eye opening conversation with myself. I am feeling a little better!!! Gee Val and you thought you were weird.

     
  • At 9:57 AM , Blogger John said...

    TGIF!

     
  • At 12:19 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    WG, I am inherently uncomfortable around girls named Stephanie. I forgot to put that on the list.

    K, I believe this means that you will be getting a drunken phone call from me very soon, and we can talk. At about 2:00 perhaps. Love you, lady.

    Thank Goodness it's Johnny.

     
  • At 1:17 PM , Anonymous roonie said...

    I miss the U-shaped way we used to slice the bread - I am also a former sandwich artist, and those straight-across shenanigans just don't keep the veggies in!

     

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