Solo Hablo un Poco de Español ...

I am writing to you from the bubbly bath--I just love the modern world.

But, that is not my point. No. My point is to illustrate what an asshat I am, especially when it involves trying to speak to native Spanish speakers.

JennyJenny8675309 hired some contractors for new flooring and what not this week. She'd worked with them before. Nice cats. They happened to be Mexican. Fortunately for them, or not, the fact that I love Mexicans and have two years of collegiate Spanish under my belt always makes me think I am aptly qualified to converse with people who speak Spanish.

I am not.

When I came downstairs, I had to walk across the newly-tiled floor. "Should I take off mis zapatos?" I asked.

"No, no. Shoes are fine," said the head guy, Emmanuel. But, he told me, the guys were finishing up and needed a mop.

"Lo siento," I said. "No tengo una fregona. Lo siento," I repeated to show that I care. "Acaso neccesitas una toalla o una cerveza o una abrazo?" I offered, quite proudly. (Thanks to both You'd Never Guess and Es Locura for helping me out with my translation. I do know Es Locura means "crazy" OR "mini bus." I can't remember.)

"No, we just need a mop. It's okay, miss," Emmanual said.

"Is it something Jenny and I could do? We just need to apply what's in that amarillo bottle, si?" Quiero ayudar. Por favor, ayudo. Ayudo." After the third time, Emmanuel realized what I was trying to say but misconstrued my meaning a bit. "Oh, okay. If you want to help, you can get us a pizza. That would be good. "

"Una pizza?" I asked. I wanted to get in the trenches, do the dirty work, sweat along side the men, and he wanted me to fetch a pizza?

"Erm, esta bien. Que tipo?"

"Meat Lover's. Pan crust. Extra cheese. Thanks."

"Carne. Mucho queso. Bien. Da me vientes minutos," I said.

"Alright. We'll see you in 20 minutes," Emmanual confirmed, then he shook his head sadly. I could feel his pity for the mensa gringa con cabello roja imitacion.

My pretties, why is that in an effort to unite and connect with someone, all I usually manage to do is prove what an goober I am? Perdon me--una idiota.

In the Comments section, tell me about a time when you were trying to be helpful, but you came off looking like an ass. The winner gets the left over Meat Lover's pizza pies.