Why In the World Would Anybody Put Chains on Me?

Do you find Lionel Richie offensive?

See, after a big wig dinner last night with all of the billionaires who make my company a lot of money, I was heading to my room when a certain financial celebrity (who has a giant head, by the way. Literally. Huge noggin.) grabbed my arm and said, "Hey Red, you're having a drink with us."

Not one to ever turn down a free drink, I suddenly found myself standing around with the top bio-tech investing advisor, the editor of a very-well respected congressional publication that comes out quarterly (hint), our company president, the industry's leading expert on Asian investing and The Giant Head.

Alright. Okay. I can do this. No biggie.

I ordered a bourbon and water, which blew these cats away. I don't know why. I like bourbon, and it's hard to get a strawberry kiwi Bartles and Jaymes these days.

Anyhoo, it started just fine. For the most part, I nodded and smiled--it seemed safest. Then, a Lionel Richie song came on (Easy, by the way) and I had to go and open my big trap about how much I LOVE Lionel Richie, and I love him because he reminds me of my dead Mom, who died from cigarettes, so I hope none of you gentlemen smoke because you're all so handsome, and I want to hug you, and who decided that handshakes were a more acceptable greeting, I mean c'mon there are so many germs on our hands, we might as well lick each others' faces. I might have been drunk.

There was a bit of silence after that. They were obviously offended that a white woman could have such open and ardent adoration for a black man. Not my problem--it's 2007, gang. Get with it.

No one knew where to go from there, so I excused myself to use the loo.

Then, because I am a beacon of sound judgment, upon returning, I ordered another drink. I shut up, but not before accidentally agreeing to go to Disney (Land or World? I never know) with the Asian investing expert. He wants to hit Epcott, which is fine because I've never been.

Ya'll, seriously-I don't know how I get myself into these situations, but all of this crap is going in the novel.