123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I eat a lot of peanuts at work, which is admittedly unremarkable, except that I am messy. Not the shells—I'm mindful of those because our cleaning staff works hard enough as it is.

No, not the shells, but those little reddish paper peanut jackets are what gets me in trouble. I guess they're called skins if we're being technical. Are we being technical? I don't really like that. But, okay, the skins get everywhere—on my keyboard, on my chair, on the floor and, of course, on me, which means I track them everywhere I go. Our nice cleaning staff probably has to clean up my peanut paper skins from the restroom. I feel bad about that.

In any case, Megan Jane and I determined a long time ago that our favorite peanuts were the shrively, burnt ones that taste just a little bit like dirt. There's something very appealing about the earthiness. It makes me feel connected to the universe.

Okay, this has gotten out of hand and kind of new age-y. I simply wanted to write that sometimes it's not the "thing" (i.e. the peanut) that causes all of the trouble; it's a small part of the "thing" (i.e. the peanut paper skins).

Same holds true for my life. It's not the overall "me" that brings me trouble. It's that small part of "me" that insists I open up my big, fat mouth until every last fleeting thought has come out ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. I think I may have said too much to the guy that I said I wasn't going to talk about.

I always do that. I can't ever leave it at, "We'll just take things as they come." I have to add on, "And by come, I mean it would be awesome if we slept together sometimes whilst you're working out stuff on your end because I am one horny devil, yessiree."

Le sigh.

"No couth, Valerie Joyce," my Mom used to say.

"Damnit, Val," is what I am saying.

The boy I am not talking about hasn't said anything yet.

In the Comments section, tell me your favorite snack. I need to get my mind off of my verbal faux pas.

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  • At 1:25 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

    I like apples, but I can't eat them off the core. It kind of grosses me out. I have to cut them into pieces.

  • At 1:33 PM , Blogger Winter said...

    Rice cakes.

    They don't taste that bad and double as a coaster.

  • At 1:45 PM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    There's this "pub mix" outside the office of our office manager. I get paper cups full of it and then discard everything in it but those sesame clumps that are both salty and sweet. So wasteful, I know.

    I so hate it when I'm direct with a boy about my desires (like offering to make him dinner and have sex with him) and he ignores my invitation. As you know, I am contending with a similar situation right now. Or was. I've given up. Silence is so rude. I don't know who raised these boys but they could use some finishing school to brush up on their manners.

  • At 3:39 PM , Blogger Matt said...

    Well, you need to stop dating "boys" and try men.

    Hint: if you're over the age of 30 you should no longer be a "boy," though dude may fit for some of us. I mean, those of us who have trouble w/ maintaining a kitchen sink that actually drains.

    In that respect, I am both a dude and a man.

  • At 4:03 PM , Blogger nolongermrsborell said...

    I have so many favorite snacks. I am a big fan of popcorn, but not of the kernels that get stuck in you teeth.

    I have been known to say something I "shouldn't" a time or two before. But I really think that is what makes us well us! He shouldn't want ou to be fake!!! Or even ust not yourself! We all love you for who you are as should any young man whois lucky enough to have the pleasure of your company!!
    ...I didn't start out to sound that cheeesy... but it kinda happens sometimes!

  • At 6:10 PM , Blogger EsLocura said...

    Some boy use to tell me I never had an unspoken thought. My response was to tell him to shut up, I wasn't done talking. As for snacks I enjoy a few glasses of merlot, it comes from grapes and grapes are healthy snacks.

  • At 7:07 PM , Blogger Attention Whore said...

    Once again we are aligned...
    except my inappropriateness and directness is done in the 21st century chickenshit way - by texting...which shames me that there is now electronic evidence of my humiliation. It should be mandatory to reply to texts...even if it's to say "Fuck NO" ...otherwise I may think it was lost in cyberspace and will try it again next time the Captain takes control of my cell phone.

  • At 7:46 PM , Blogger Senor Caiman said...


    Do you ever put 2 nuts in your mouth at one time?

    Would you really be a sex slave for 40 to 45k? You seem so much more talented.

  • At 8:20 PM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    I find it slightly disturbing that your peanut skins are in the bathroom. Do you have to snack in there? Ick.

    Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. I have a mug that says that.

  • At 9:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Other than the squirt of cum I call a snack, I like the peanuts that are salted honey roasted--maybe it's a salt thing?? hmmm...

    I like Oreos and Doritos 4 snacks.

  • At 10:26 PM , Blogger mist1 said...

    I don't really snack. Some of my meals count as snacks. Also, I think wine is a snack food.

  • At 11:55 AM , Anonymous 123V said...

    It's easier to dip them in peanut butter that way, K.

    I love rice cakes, Winter. And with a gal like me, a coaster always comes in handy.

    Kate, just once, I'd like for you and I to be in synch and be able to say, "I met this totally adorable guy who is great in the sack and is not complicated." Let's make that our goal this year.

    Matterhorn, don't get me started.

    Aw, my dear Kirstin, I love that you speak your mind. I also love your boobs. But, I like that you speak your mind more.

    Es Locura, I find that wine helps me hit the "5 a day, the easy way" much more easily.

    AW, that's why I love you. The Captain and Mr. Jim Beam are in cahoots, I know it.

    Senor, I've had upwards of 14 nuts in my mouth at one time. I actually include that on my resume.

    WG, I'm cranky when I'm hungry, so I always have something to nibble on. No, seriously, they skins get caught on my clothes and then I leave them wherever I go. Like distributing seeds.

    FC&F, it is a highly nutritous food.

    Mist, honey, as long as you round out your diet of wine with some Cheetos once in a while, it's all fine and good. Or wine and food. Gah, I'm so clever.

  • At 1:09 PM , Blogger Jon said...

    I admire many things about you, Valerie, but your eagerness to sleep with random men from the internet definitely tops the list.

  • At 2:21 PM , Blogger Winter said...

    Val buy those tiny looking rice cakes, that way you get to eat more but it looks like you are eating less.


  • At 3:40 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    Not just the Internet, Jonny Boy. Truck stops, movie theatres, grocery stores. I'm an equal opportunity ho. I don't discriminate just because someone can't afford DSL.

    Does that work for donuts, too, Winter?

  • At 5:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I find I have the same problem with Pistachios. Bits of skins all over.

    My favorite snack...anything with cake right now.

  • At 8:03 PM , Blogger WanderingGirl said...

    I am so glad to hear you're not eating in the bathroom. Seriously. I like to chomp on pecans, and I eat cheese sticks every 3-4 hours to keep the blood sugars level. Tasty, I know.

  • At 11:37 AM , Blogger Winter said...

    Honestly Val I feel very let down, you get me all hooked on your blog and then not post as often.

    Very misleading.

  • At 10:30 AM , Blogger MelO said...

    We'll call them men when they stop acting like BOYS! I've noticed I call them all boys until they've proven themselves to be "men"... or at least a "guy."

    Also, I know you don't me that well but I would LOVE to get in on your goal for this year with Kate. I'm feeling your pain!

    Why do all the boys have to be so complicated?


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