123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Save the Date

In between bubble baths, trips to the gym and a viewing of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, I found myself with a schwee bit of time for a blind date.

Let me get this out front early: He was nice and it was fine, but it was the romantic equivalent of oatmeal. Still, way better than the blind date where the guy brought his mom. No way in hell to save that date.

The fact that the newest lurve encounter didn't end in bliss is okay though, kids, because I don't really think I'm ready to be dating just yet. I have a tendency to try and rush through everything, including broken hearts.

But, as my lovely homegal, Lorelai, said to me, I made myself pretty dern vulnerable in the last go 'round with love. So, I'm feeling very protective of my heart these days. Ya'll go on and Chicken Dance and Hokey Pokey without me; I'm gonna sit this one out.

That said, I have been introduced to a valuable asset for single women: Don't Date Him, Girl. Dirty Dawgs, be forewarned: If you've done somebody wrong, she's going to tell all of her friends, and then she's going to tell the Intertubes. And people will comment about it. Oh, will they comment!

I was very glad to find a sea of strangers on Don't Date Him, Girl (Phew) because both my intuition and my co-pay for the health clinic are quite high. Actually, my worst fear would be seeing my Dad on the message boards. I mean, he's a great guy—he'd never actually be on there, but this is the kind of stuff that runs through my head when I am worrying. So.

Man, I wish I had a super bad blind date story for you, my pretties, but truth is, I have a really good track record—even the guy who brought his Mom made sure she was pretty cool. She totally kicked my ass at Golden Tee and we split some jalapeno poppers.

Ultimately, when it comes to blind dates, even if it's not love at first sight, I've always enjoyed the cocktails and going home with the waitress.

In fact, I'd like to get paid to be a professional blind dater, but I believe they call that being a "call girl." Whatevs.

Just tells me the world isn't ready for the 123V brand of lovin' just yet, and it validates my delicious hermity-ness these days.

In the Comments section tell me your best cure for getting over the broken heart hump—so to speak, of course.

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  • At 1:49 AM , Blogger Nosjunkie said...

    I have never had a blind date before and man am I glad for that

  • At 7:08 AM , Blogger country roads said...

    professional blind dater/call girl...tomato/to-mah-to.


  • At 9:51 AM , Blogger Hey Pretty said...

    Women expect too much from blind dates. So much of finding a good match is about chemistry and that's something that can't be gauged until you're in person. Many blind dates fail because the people on them have no chemistry with one another.

    My cure for getting over a broken heart: Remembering that men are like busses--miss one and there's another coming down the road 5 minutes later.

  • At 10:12 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

    My one good blind date ended with me going into the house to get a pen to write down my number and passing out. I left the guy in his car. I sucked.

    Take some time.

  • At 10:44 AM , Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

    A friend of mine posted on that Don't Date Him site.

    She skewered her ex.

    And did a great job of it.

  • At 11:16 AM , Anonymous Franki said...

    I've been benchwarming for years now. I've been savin a spot for you darling. It's non-psychotic and warm and safe over here. Don't worry, you can jump back in the game when you've caught your breath.

  • At 1:12 PM , Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

    Ok, that site? Frightening. But not because it's supposedly full of bastard men's victims. It's frightening because it's so totally one-sided that someone's going to get hurt-slash-sued over there eventually.

    I created a fictional character, found a picture from the nets, and claimed to be a woman who'd been cheated on by this man. It took some time for it to show up, but when it did it almost immediately started receiving comments like "what a loser" and "you're better off without him" and "I bet he has a small dick too." Considering that it seems to be a site where hurt women go to present their side of a bad situation in terms that makes the guy look like a total prick (although I have no doubt some of them are true), I'm wondering how that would help anyone.

    I wish I knew how to get past the heartbreak blues, but bashing the one who did it doesn't seem to be the right way for me. I know I wasn't perfect (I never thought I had to be I guess), but I hope I wasn't so bad in any ex's eyes that she'd feel the need to share it with the world.

    I guess you just ride it out and hope someone, someday sees in you what you love in them.

  • At 1:35 PM , Blogger M@ said...

    I"m afraid to look at that Web site for fear I may be the coverboy after sending out those nude photos. I'm afraid I may be famous.

  • At 1:55 PM , Blogger Woodrow said...

    Whew. I wasn't on there.

    Have you tried humping a better looking person than the ex? That always helps.

  • At 2:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I can't imagine being single or looking at this point. loveless marriage almost sounds easier. Mine is completely full of love, I'm just sayin.

    Back, way back in the day of when I got my heart stomped on, I found having amazing sex helped me heal much quicker. I always kept a guy around for that. I never went on dates with my sex guy, he was strickly for sex. Otherwise known as a whamy boy. The date guys were the ones I tried friendship/compatability out with before sex.

  • At 2:18 PM , Blogger 123Valerie said...

    Nos, honey, I guess now that you're married, suggesting you go on one now would be inappriate.

    Thanks, CRJ. It's that whole Madonna/whore thing, really. More on the whore side, I guess.

    I have to disagree HP--I don't expect more than some pleasant conversation while sharing deep-fried appetizers and an engagement ring. Is that so hard?

    Kristin, that sounds like all of my dates. Scalloped potatoes seem to be easing the heart break. It's all about the comfort foods.

    PDW and E. Average, it's tough because I'm sure there are some unfairly skewered dudes on there, but I am also sure it's cathartic for the women. And a heck of a lot less damaging than a brick through your front window. Should I ever find my future betrothed on there, I would take everything with a grain of salt and a shot of whiskey. Just for good measure.

    Franki, honey, you're too pretty to be on the bench. At least get up and do a cheer.

    M@tty, maybe you could start the wronged-dudes' counterpart site? Don't Date Her, Man. Yeah, that "Man" at the end makes it a little bit gay. Actually, I bet the gay brethren would eat this kind of thing up. I love me some gay people for their enthusiasm.

    Woodrow and Pool, while humping is generally my go-to cure for everything from hay fever to a broken arm (though it rules out certain positions), I am finding myself short of viable humpees and whammy boys(BEST TERM EVER, POOL!!!) Maybe a road trip is in order.

  • At 3:40 PM , Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

    Uh, how much do I have to bribe you to make that road trip to my town? heh.

    I'll introduce myself: "Hi. I'm Buddy; Whammy Buddy."


  • At 3:40 PM , Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

    Uh, how much do I have to bribe you to make that road trip to my town? heh.

    I'll introduce myself: "Hi. I'm Buddy; Whammy Buddy."


  • At 12:28 PM , Blogger emertron said...

    Heartbreak Hump cures:
    -Your bestest Girlfriends
    -Sex & the City
    -Fun, dancey workouts
    -Finally totally loving being with yourself, just yourself again.

  • At 5:58 PM , Blogger pistols at dawn said...

    I had a blind date once with an actual blind woman. She broke my heart; I broke into her place and rearranged all her furniture.

    Take that, Website I'm Sure I'm On!

  • At 11:27 AM , Blogger Thoughts of a Diva said...

    There is no easy way to get over it. I've been divorced and in a new relationship for a while, but it still hurts like hell sometimes. I suppose its because he resurfaces and brings everything back up again...

    Good luck.


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