123Valerie Strikes Again

Unprecedented Self-Indulgence.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sometimes, I Just Can't Come Up with a Witty Title

As a general rule, I try not to wage war on inanimate objects. I largely prefer, instead, to take my rage and misguided anger out on innocent people whom I care about.

This time, however, I'm calling out my nemesis directly: Stock market, you can kiss my dupka.

("Dupka" is largely understood everywhere in Eastern Europe as "butt." I guess that takes some of the sting out of it, but I'm all about sharing information.)

Alright. I know some of you are a right bit confused.

Why, after disappearing for a couple of weeks, would I only call you when I needed bail money and then rage about the Dow Jones Industrial Average?

While many of you may find it surprising, the relative productivity of my day is based upon the general activity of the major financial indices (and also how many times Grant Miller and Pistols at Dawn post. Let's be real, here.)

And, if you haven't heard, the economy is bumbling about like that drunk guy at the bar.

Sometimes he appears to be alright—a regular dude with some interesting, if illogical, things to say, who maybe touches your boobs a bit too often. Then, sometimes on "bad days," he is burfing next to the jukebox, hoping no one will notice the stench of homelessness and fiscal despair. But always, he goes to sleep alone, confused, and smelling of bearded, teacherly Ben Bernanke.

For now, this kind of stuff is all immensely important to my everyday, professional life.

I guess the moral of this story is that, because the market's so unpredictable, I've been really busy. Stupid busy. Oh, and I can't really pay you back for the bail money, either. My bad.

Here—I'll make it up to you. Please enjoy some wonderful pictures of my friend Scott's going away party, below. (He's moving to Argentina to make the world a better place.)

I'm in there somewhere, but most importantly is that you understand just how beautiful my friends are.

123Valerie, the Original Brokekid Scotty, and Megan Jane

This picture of Scotty and T-Bone has "Facebook" written all over it--not quite "MySpace" quality, though--we'd need a few more body shots.

Upon seeing this picture, T-Bone asked, "Does she practice these faces in the mirror every night?" To which I replied, "She doesn't have to." All he could say was, "Mmmhmm." Lovely, lovely Megan Jane.

I adore this picture because Kristin looks curious and lovely (true to form) and Scotty looks hungry (also true to form).

Quite possibly the most exquisite almost-couple the World has given us.

The enchanting Tinzicle and Scotty McDuff. Like snowflakes, these are two very unique and lovely creatures.

So, here I was saving Sean P.K. from some angry frat boys with pool cues. I'm just pretty awesome like that.

It's me and Z Baby--funnily enough, he was moving into Small Town Ohio, just as I was leaving--and here we are, nearly 15 years later, enjoying some canned Miller Lights and The Weepies together. Well, maybe not here, but later that night.

Oh, my Lord. If my friends were any prettier, I'd have to wear shades. Seriously. This is what people who are beautiful on the inside AND the outside look like. Don't stare too deeply--you'll burn your retinas.

In the Comments section, wish Scott good things as he aims to make our world a better place, and, then, point me toward links and pictures that show just how beautiful your friends are.

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  • At 1:00 AM , Blogger WendyB said...

    I'm liking your argyle! About the bumbling drunk guy...you're talking about Pistols, right?

  • At 11:52 AM , Blogger CamiKaos said...

    Ohhhh your friends are soooo beautiful. I hope that Scott can take just a fraction of that beauty and share it with the world and accomplish his goals of making this big round thing a nicer place for us all. Good Luck Val's lovely friend! Have a safe and productive journey!

  • At 12:47 PM , Blogger pistols at dawn said...

    I resent the idea that "bumbling drunk guy who touches your boobs too much" makes people think of me. I also grab your ass, because I am a gentleman.

    Also, your friends are superhot. Way to go with that! Most of my friends are troubled Americans best served by darkness.

  • At 1:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thanks for sharing (the photos, not the stock market stuff). I'm still here in Small Town Ohio and haven't seen BrokeKid in a couple years, but I'll chip in my well wishes...and second your motion about the group of beauties...any gathering with CandySandwich is bound to be good to look at! - GG in OH

  • At 6:17 PM , Blogger Woodrow said...

    I'll hold that sucker while you kick and punch him.

    And thanks Scott for whatever your doing.

  • At 11:03 PM , Anonymous krok23 said...


    Great pictures, you all are a handsome bunch.

    I know a woman from Argentina and she is very bossy and has a bird as a pet.

    You think you have trouble with the market I'm having trouble with the Venezuelan Government.

  • At 9:35 AM , Blogger lorelai236 said...

    Aww! I'm sorry I missed the party! It looked like so much fun!! :)

  • At 11:00 PM , Anonymous 123V said...

    Thanks, Wendy B--my Step-Mom has excellent taste. Her taste is as good, as Pistol's bumbling is.

    CamiK, YOU are so beautiful!

    PAD, you are the full package, indeed, my love; thus, you make sure YOU grab the full package. Hey yo!

    Anon GG--his pictures are spectacular, but he's even better in person. He and his sister should go on the road.

    Woodrow, babe, I don't know who you mean, but I do appreciate the offer. Can I keep that as a "Get out of jail" free kind of card?

    Krok, while I love Brazilian women and the grooming techniques they employ, I'm not such a big fan of birds. Good luck with Hugo Chavez. He is a fruitcake dot com.

    Lorelai, we missed you, too, my love. Boo bronchitis, boo!


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