Real Friends Make You Cry

So, I know it's bad when I get a "Hey, Lady, where are you?" query from the great James Burnett.

Contrary to popular belief, I was not suffering a drunken stupor in a puddle of my own (or someone else's) urine or in a Turkish prison or kidnapped by a cult.

I have been online dating.

Yep. You read right: dating. Online. I have been wooing and winking and IMing my cute little ass off, and because none of you people ever tell me that you want to "suck those big titties" of mine (thank you, SexyandSingle616), I felt my time was better served at the hookup sites.

Alright. That's kind of true. And a lot more fun than saying I was suffering from general malaise, but that's actually more true. However, I have promising plans with a one Mr. SpaceMonkey76 and Doug_From_Pittsburgh.

As exciting as those prospects are, they weren't quite enough to get me over the funk hump. That bad spell was broken last night when Megan Jane gathered some of my favoritist people to celebrate me, for tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 27 on the 27th. I was told there was a word for that. Anyone know what it is?

In any case, there was a word for last night: awesome. My darling Megan Jane got all of our peeps to meet at a lovely Asian place. #1Laura, 567Devin, Camerooooooon, Dane, Jason, JennyJenny8675309, John, Kate, Kristin, Matty, Megan Jane, Scotty and Shea all ventured out. (No idea who these people are? Check it out.)

In true Megan Jane style, she aimed for big, floppy birthday tears, and, boys oh boys, she got 'em. She made everyone write down nice things about me. Because I am a vain Aries, here are a few of the highlights about how wonderful I am:

From Jason:

Even though I am skeptical about your unwavering conviction in astrology, your music has made me cry, your blog is hilarious, and your article about how to give a blowjob is God's gift to mankind.

If you think the article is good, J ...

From Kristin:

She gathers others. Together. To her. She makes them feel loved. She loves too much, too deeply for her own good and it is beautiful.

Yeah, I just lost it over this one.

From Kate:

I am too hungover to write a poem. Therefore: I O U 1 poem.

Beers before tears, Home Girl.

From Matty:

Everyone loves you. You smell nice and you have a happy smile.

Thank you, Mattress. Rose water is why I smell so good, and the blowjobs are why everyone loves me.

From Megan Jane:

You came to my rescue at just the right time and taught me a lot about leaving the mold. Shortly thereafter, my V-neck Gap sweater and penny loafers evolved into nudity.

Out of context, this sounds mighty odd. Actually, in context this sounds mighty odd. That's why I lurve me some Megan Jane.

From Scotty:

Once the menace of the BattleBots has been completely understood and evaluated, the plan quickly sprang forth to develop and design a Star Eater-based Automaton. The Valtron Project quickly evolved into the solar system's sole outer planetary defense policy.

I'm a robot who saved the universe. All in a day's work.

Oh, I cried after hearing all of these, my pretties. I snotted, yes I did. Man, I am seriously the luckiest girl on the planet. So, all it took was the tremendous love of good friends to snap me out of the funk.

Consider me unfunky henceforth. Most people already do.

Tomorrow is the actual big day, and it is also Sean P.K.'s birthday. We are telling people that we were Siamese twins. Because we can. There's a hockey game followed by some light-hearted debauchery on the books. Many of the same friends who lifted me up with their beautiful words will be along to see me fall down (and pull my pants up) tomorrow.

Nothing says "adulthood" like binge drinking and making out with strangers.

In the Comments section, tell me how you celebrated your last birthday. By the way, Megan Jane made the best "fun drinks" ever: blueberry/pomegranate juice with champagne and fresh berries.